sinking into depression again??

oh no.. bad news.. i think i'm gg to sink into depression again? i dont know leh.. just now went to had meeting with TT for sept tuition camp thingy and QUEEN and she was asked me where i was so when i told her i was having meeting but she thought i was attending some church activities and started yelling.. haiz.. how sia why izit lidat.. i dont know why she is so anti-christ? what can i do to convince her?? i feel so lost now.. AGAIN. and i hate this kind of feelings.. how :~( went to church service a couple of times but only last sun i really felt very touched till i wanted to cry but.. if QUEEN doesnt approve of it i'll never going to do.. it's very easy to say that to accept and tell her later but difficult to do.. u will seriously wont understand because u are not the one doing it.. isnt it? haiz i dont know la.. many times i had the urge to raise my hand when the pastor ask, but i know i have to face the music when i come home since the QUEEN is sooooo anti-christ.. haiz and i dont want to do that.. i've done that for all my life and this time i want her approval then can i do it in peace. or wait till i'm 21? but what aloy said is true.. i'm 19 already and should be making personal decisions myself.. but.. but.. i think she'll disown me.. other ppl say disown maybe like joking lidat.. but QUEEN means business.. she'll make my life hell.. haiz dont know la. i should stop talking about depressing stuff. today morning i went for econs lect and it wasnt that bad.. after school actually wanted to go jogging with vivien but it just had to rain.. so we ate lunch in school then shop arnd west mall for christina's present, then in the end still decided to go jog. haha not bad we did 2.4km okie.. wanted to look out for eye candy but what we had was some ah peks and steamed chicken guys.. super fair and still run half naked... -_-'' i was like sooooooOOOOOOOOOo disappointed.. lolz at night went to meet TT and we had a small talk la.. really enjoyed it.. :)) i finally said my piece.. hahaha but not him la.. lolz.. oh yeah before i end off wanna share this christian song which really touched my heart.. *clear throat*
"You laid aside Your Majesty..
Gave up everything for me..
Suffered at the hands of those You had created..
You took all my guilt and shame..
When You died and rose again..
Now today You reign..
In heaven and earth exalted..
I really want to worship You my Lord..
You have won my heart..
And i am Yours for ever and ever..
I will love You..
You are the only one who died for me..
Gave Your life to set me free..
So i lift my voice to You in adoration."
oh my.. i really love this song.. if got chance ask me to sing to u okie.. hahahahaha ok la gg to end off here ler.. tra la la.. :))

i'm confused..

just now chatting with jr online and i felt that she said some weird stuff.. first, she started out asking me how i feel about he bf.. of course our ching nei nei is nice la.. then suddenly she said if anything happen to her then kelvin will be left to me?! What the heck? i'm so worried.. what the hecks.. chai if u are reading this, talk to me if anything's wrong okie.. dont bathe so late also.. haiyo..

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

this morning went service with Aloy.. quite alright la.. they played one song " You laid aside your majesty" oh my.. FOR THE FIRST TIME, i was almost moved to tears.. but i dint cry la.. lolz after that went lunching with CHAI and kelvin and met Aloy to study after that.. alright la did quite a bit of work at least i finished socio tutorial.. something that's super boring.. haha i think i really cannot study at home.. will slack too much.. though 2 person studying together will talk but at least wont sleep and waste more time.. hahaha we should do it more often.. haha :)) ok la nothing much else to add. tmr meeting hjb and vivien to go out.. that's all i feel like sleeping ler.. byebye.. hahahahaha

jiang jiang jiang jiannnnnnnnnnng! hahaha

today went for my first official training with SRC hockey.. it was too bad but just that the team only got guys.. hahahaha wanted to get a tan de but ended up drizzling.. haiz tot there would be girls training also but all guys.. got a few eye candy la.. but no chance also.. all younger than me. come to think of it.. i'm really getting OLD.. haha i always help ppl to count their age and forgot about my own as if my age would stop.. hahaha sorry.. talking nonsense.. today while training, i suddenly feel like sweating as much as i can.. hahaha it's been really a lOOOOOOOOOoooooooong time since i exercised..haha even swimming i dont sweat.. i dont think anyone does, hahaha sorry ar.. talking a bit nonsense now.. yest went to watch TIM SUM DOLLIES with aloy,fishy,sm and her sis but by the time we got there, the tics sold out already.. what the heck.. haiz i was soooooooOOOOOOOO angry with myself for not getting ready the cash.. damns but after that we had quite an enjoyable time so it wasnt that bad afterall.. hehe went to chill out at pacific coffee and city hall there the sofa like for king to sit one.. not bad.. hehe.. shall go there and chill again but the drinks there the prices like a bit steep.. :/ haiz.. nothing much la.. this week, hectic la.. haiz very sian also.. got work to do but see already also sian lor.. haiz ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz ok la.. gg off already tmr still gg church in the morning.. bye peeps!

edtydgdkfn!!

ok.. everyone's busy mugging so no one's online and what the heck am i doing here? haha.. IBM is just so super boring.. haiz oh yeah.. today i have a thing to comment on.. i think a SCORPION's sting is the most powerful and poisonous one.. in this case i'm referring to the horoscope.. haha so guys never ever offend a scorpio or u'll live to regret it.. haha yah la i really think i can GET JEALOUS EASILY.. lolz serious. dont know la.. these few days i'm getting real extreme mood swings.. dont know suddenly can get very very sad and the next moment i'll be ok le.. haiz how sia.. are girls made this way? hmmm... maybe

:? life is getting worse?

oh my.. so early i'm home already.. supposed to do some revision for IBM tmr but i just had to come online and blog..tsk..tsk.. just now before i came home i went the bank to do fund transfer to another ebay seller and when i wanted to come online to reply her email? guess what? i've deleted the person's contact and couldnt contact her? how nice.. i was so panic lor.. damn can u imagine paying $9 and not getting anything? ok la 9 bucks to me maybe not a lot but HELLO?! it's still money right?yah la.. i think this few days i'm really pissing mr tan off lor.. kept having evil thoughts.. haiz that day on msn i was like a bitch but i was really.. disappointed.. i dont with him or myself.. maybe both but after talking to fishy i'm ok already la.. she sort of "kai1 dao3" me lor.. haiz but today that feeling came back again.. i was attending socio lect and of all things the lecturer must talk about suicide.. and suddenly i had this very strong feeling to commit suicide.. i want to know what it is like to be on the other side of the world.. izit really true that devoted christians go to heaven? not as if i'm a christian but i could check it out? haha dont know leh.. i know i should stop having such ridiculous and just focus on my studies stop thinking so much but how can i ? usually ppl commit suicide because they are suffering from depression. maybe i'm too u know.. i keep having extreme mood swings.. WTH? i dont want to bother aloysius but i just cant help it la.. when we're smsing each other i will bring in this topic and i feel that i'm pissing him off. haiz but what can i do? what can i do? i'm really lost.. haiz tmr gg to watch TIM SUM DOLLIES cuz my sis got cheap tics at $4.. haiz hope it would turn out good. Sat gg for hockey training hope it would be good too.. keep ya fingers or maybe.. pray for me. yep thanks peeps :)

heya~

finally.. mr tan's birthday bash is over.. haiz this thing has been running in my mind for weeks.. imagining all the awakwardness i will have to endure when i'm there.. and indeed i did la.. lolz but luckily sm and fishy were there to acc me lor.. i dint know our dear mr tan dint have any girl friends.. tsk..tsk... except his 2 precious female classmates.. hahaha which made fishy thinking that is the cute guy's gf.. lolz so damn funny.. :D anyways made a new friend.. dont know can be considered anot la.. haiz.. so sian.. school has started for 3 weeks already and i admit i have not really adjusted to the system and the haze- like environment in SIM everytime during break.. it just sucks lor.. seriously.. I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO TRY AGAIN FOR NTU NEXT YEAR.. coz i'm quite sure staying in SIM is not what i want in my life? i dont know leh.. how.. :? sigh.. we'll see how next year.. pray hard that i can make it into NTU.. my dream school.. sigh..:( yep yep.. ok la.. this is one thing i dont wanna admit but maybe i do have feelings for him.. but so what?!?! if he doesnt reciprocate then too bad la.. not say i never go through such things before.. haiz let nature take its course but sometimes if nature is too slow should we humans take over the job? muhahahahahaha talking nonsense.. lolz i'm not very sure of my feelings also.. sometimes maybe have but sometimes like not there? aiyah this kind of things very hard to use words to describe de.. if u wanna know.. call me up and i'll tell u personally.. lolz.. i've been slacking all this while man.. shitty.. got stuff to do but i feeling lazy leh.. the lecturers in SIM also cannot make it la.. woa lao especially the IBM lecturer..always like to talk nonsense and tease girls, waste time and release us late for class.. WTH.. sucks lor.. this is just so different from what i had imagined.. haiz and this is not the kind of uni life i've been looking forward to after JC.. i believe for many of us too.. haiz.. SUCKY.. anyways i've been trying online shopping for quite a while and i got hooked.. lolz u should try it out when u got nothing better to do or u just wanna slack.. hahahahaha ok la.. i guess this entry should be long enough ler.. just want to add one last sentence.. i hate it when i msg someone and the person just refuses to reply.. (U SHOULD KNOW WHO U ARE) !@#$%^&* ciaoz take care peeps.. miss you all~ :)

:?

yawn.. today went to catch the maid with aloy.. muhahaha so damn embarrassing la.. i was yelling throughout the show.. ok la not really but most of the time.. haiz so scary but still nice to watch :)) hahaha wed for me is rest day.. no school so morning i went for tuition then swimming and at night went out with him.. yawn.. oh yeah. i forgot to thank u aloy.. for calling me that day after u read my very depressing entry. thanks man. that little act touched my heart. seriously.. :) yep yep but i've really thought it through ler.. i realised that my problem cant even be compared to my friend's troubles lor.. her parents declared bankrupt, on the verge of divorce and she has to work to pay bills. what are my problems as compared to hers lor.. what the heck so i shouldnt whine about it anymore.. haiz.. but sometimes i really need some breathing space also so guys put up with me a little okie? haha but that's the point of having a blog what izit it? haiz school has started for 2 weeks but i'm still not very used to it la.. BUT i dont wanna to complain anymore.. like what mr tan said u can choose to go through this 3 years happily or can drag yourself to school also like so sian lidat.. but i guess it's always easier to say then to do it right? but even so, i'm willing to give it a try.. so guys hopefully u will be able to see more happy moments in my blog and not all depressing ones.. i realised that ever since i left JC all my entries would be filled with cursing.. muhahahaha yah la i'll try and cut down on that.. till then.. take care everyone!!

you will NEVER understand :((

guys would never experience what i'm going through now.. i've got my own school stuff to settle and jr's camp thing and another side my mum's up to my throat already.. i really feel like ending my life now.. at this point of time.. i dont want to think about any of this stuff already.. i cannot handle them.. i'm not strong enough. serious.. i'm nervous about the camp, i have to lie to my mum whenever i go out.. who can even understand all this? dont tell me u can.. i know u are lying. BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm mad at everybody mad at myself.. so sick of this world.so sick of everything. leave me alone

school's starting tmr..

hey peeps.. school is starting tmr.. i'm really not looking forward to it la.. but haiz yah la.. today i went to church and i'm enlightened by the pastor's saying.. " PAIN IS INEVITABLE BUT MISERY IS OPTIONAL" true isnt it? many of us chose to dwell in the pain and endure the misery but if we view it in another way it may not be such a bad thing afterall? but once again it's easy to say but difficult to put into action.. isn't it? a bit contradicting also.. haha aiyah dont know la.. got a blog with my JC peeps.. view if u have time.. www.v-0f-us.blogspot.com okie.. that's all liao i want to sleep early tonight.. tmr's gg to be a hectic day.. bye all miss ya!

my eyes are popping out..

burp.. so full ate some rice for dinner cum supper just now and feeling so bloated now.. wonder how am i gg to sleep.. haha just now went to catch with aloysius.. the movie is wonderful so is the company.. dint expect myself to enjoy the show coz i wasnt really interested in such scientific shows lor.. about cloning and stuff.. that's like so super GP.. lolz.. yep yep but i enjoyed the show although it was a long 2.5 hours.. haha super cold in the theatre but someone just insisted that it wasn't haiz.. ok la.. when he called me to tell me that he was in town already i was so dont want to go and meet him.. (sorry aloy if you're reading this) but i wanted to spend more time with my gfs.. seriously not les or what.. actually i wanted to tell u this just now but i didn't know how to start but i feel that now me and sm in different unis already.. i'm starting to lose this friend.. i dont want our relationship to change in any way u understand? i know u would say that we're lesbians but i DONT CARE.. she's been my best friend since sec school and i dont want to lose her.. damns what the heck.. i'm repeating myself.. yep yep yesterday was my last day at work.. after work went out with daphy and eunice for dinner and we just had to embarrass ourselves.. haiz our dear daphy went to book the wrong location of the restaurant and we went to the cuppage branch.. btw the restaurant is the rice table.. yep so she booked the wrong one and went we reached there the person said that we dint reserve any seats.. so we created a din there and i even had the cheek to demand for discount.. what the heck. haha and halfway through our order the branch that she called up to book called her and asked if she's still coming.. what the heck lor.. paisey ourselves only.. lolz after that actually we went to go out for dessert de but the queen at home will sing the phatom of opera so she had to send me home.. so sickening.. haiz.. we had a lot of fun.. i think this is the last time i'll work there anymore.. i'm like a maid.. moving stuff, packing bookselves.. WTF i can be professional librarian already la.. somemore so dusty.. not say i'm complaining or what but the pay is spastic also.. somemore must sweat and i'm allergic to dust will keep sneezing one lor.. so when i was packing the books i had to hold my breath.. SUCKS.. but anyways all the shit are over i'm now shaking my legs at home and waiting for $$$ to roll in.. lolz got a very bad headache now.. dunnoe what's wrong with the contacts lens.. today wear already feel very giddy.. even when watching the show i kept having migraine.. damns yah la.. sian man next week gg to start school already.. not so ready yet.. having mixed feelings about everything now.. including HIM. haiz i just dont know what i want... but i've learnt something.. and that's to NOT GIVE TOO MUCH OF MYSELF! ciaoz.. head is splitting apart :/

:/

it's been almost 10 days since i last blogged.. sorry peeps if u have been coming online hoping to see a new entry but it's the same old thing! muhaha yep yep anyways.. i'm secretly using this blogger thingy in the office while waiting to photocopy some shitty things for a bitch..damns.. it has many pages and must photocopy 18 sets somemore.. i'm not gg to stand there and wait lor.. haiz.. yes la.. again i'm very vexed.. i cant read the signs.. seriously.. why are u blowing hot and cold? maybe i should not waste my time on you anymore.. huh.. am i right? sometimes u make me feel as if we're really in a relationship but sometimes u totally ignore me.. though i know u are not my type of guy i feel that i'm willing to give it a try.. can't u see? dont tell me u cant read the signs either.. i wont believe u lor.. yah la but as if u would tell me that.. haiz.. i dunnoe! school is starting soon but i'm so not looking forward to it.. damns.. i feel that i'm crapping nonsense.. fcuk.. blog again later.. actually i've got a lot of things to say but when i'm here i feel so lost.. ciaoz brb~

long long time ago..

heyz.. been quite a while since i worked at my mum's place.. and i must say i've earned quite a lot.. muhahah $_$ yep yep.. yesterday had tuition at jr's tuition centre and after that we had a meeting.. goodness gracious! that was the worse meeting i've ever had in my entire life.. i was so fucked up by that bitch.. jr dint even tell me that they will be other ppl joining us and greedy me bought durian puffs hoping to eat them during the meeting and greedy TT also bought $10 worth of famous amos cookies hoping to eat.. and what happened in the end?? we dint even get to eat them together la.. damns! why leh coz of that !@#$128975!@#^&* person.. haiz.. talking about her really makes my blood boil lor.. not just me but for the first time of my life i see TT critising someone.. and is a SHE. but that "thing" huh.. really bossy. and what's the most fuck thing? she actually rolled her eyes when i said that i'm gg sim.. maybe i should have lied that i'm gg harvard.. but damns why should i sin because of her.. not worth it lo.. sucks! i think i've sinned so terribly here cursing so much! muhaha yep yep.. i've created a blog for my jc friends i think it will aid in our communication coz like we can write about how we feel and stuff.. for me is minus the vulgarities! haha :P today went out with hui and sm.. so much fun playing and embarrassing ourselves.. haiz.. i think it's going to be even worse on aloy's bday party with 1.53 around! THUNDEROUS!!!!! haha.. but anyways i've always enjoyed piggying and hanging out with my gfs. no hypocrisy lor.. i really cannot stand it. we just burp and fart and behave as though we are a family.. so that's why i'm super duper depressed when i couldnt get into the same uni as them. i dont want our relationship to change in any way.. but i know it will coz we are all in different schools and stuff.. damns typing this can make me tear.. haiz.. i can only blame myself for not studying hard la.. my fate is sealed that very day i sat for the maths paper.. i knew all my efforts will be going down the drain but.. i was still hoping for a miracle but a miracle hasnt come yet.. my whole life i've been very unlucky.. seriously speaking.. i think i'm someone who brings bad luck to myself.. WTF?! i always dont get what i want.. damns.. yah la but i know that life still goes on.. :( that's all folks. stay tuned if u wanna know more.. ciaoz! take care i miss u all!

jvoiquryto13847ry394

i behaved like a fucking bitch on msn today.damns.i hate myself!

lifeless!

for this whole week, today is the only day i went out.. with hui.. yep yep went to bugis wanted to go xodus buy that cheap cheap shoe but the sale is over already so dint buy from there.. hui recommended to go seiyu and i bought a shoe from there.. i guess i knew what i wanted.. the comfort not the looks. similarly for guys.. muhaha it's the feeling when we're together that matters and not how he looks?! muhahaha aiyah think i'm talking nonsense.. today spend too much money liao.. bought shoes and a new wallet! muhahahaha i'm really a bitch. damn. but the wallet i'll think about it everytime i go bugis leh so might as well get it... haha yah la we had dinner at crystal jade.. not bad at bugis but hui's baked rice was a bit too creamy and the milk powder taste was rather strong.. haha went to mum's place to work and made new friends again.. haha they look bimbo-tic but OH MY GOODNESS! they're such nice peeps.. surely gonna miss them when i stop working there.. saw nice earrings at bugis think is 3 for $10 maybe can get for them.. hahaha k la gotta go already.. Mr tan is talking nonsense liao. bye!

dont step into my heart`

back from m'sia for quite a while already.. haiz and so so so much bad things have happened recently.. finally my appeals for nus and ntu have been rejected. that's my fate but i've yet to come to terms with it..i just cant! yest jr called me and was crying on the other line saying that she had been rejected too and had nowhere to go now.. am i better off than her? maybe la.. at least i've got sim to go but is that what i really want? although i've always wanted to set up my own business but do i have to study business? maybe i'm still not sure of what i want in my life.. seriously.. when she called me yest i felt so helpless too.. never in my life have i had this feeling.. really bad.. a feeling of being left behind from all my friends.. this kind of feeling is indescribable and only those who are in the same situation as me will understand.. OTHERS WHO CLAIM THAT THEY DO, DON'T! i thank u all for keeping up with my whines but FOR GOODNESS SAKE u all really dont know what i'm going through now.. haiz i'm drained of my energy already. besides being super vexed with the application to uni the woman at home is also giving me hell.. i hate to elaborate on it, so i shan't. but i just want to make a point. she insists that i go out to shop and waste money but in the first place she was the one who dint allow me to go work at Hui's place coz she said is LOW-CLASS.. HELLO???????? i'm not even a graduate la. what can i complain when i've got a job that pays $6.50 per hour and $9.7o for OT? WTF.. she's been yelling at me for the past few days over stupid things that i've got no power over.. that somebody crashed our car can be linked to me not getting into uni.. damnit. now tell me. WHO UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH NOW? i may be the same me who laughs loudly and playful when with friends, but when the night settles in, my heart aches for myself again. damn. i'm not trying to be poetic here but seriously this is how i feel deep inside. everytime i see my friends all getting ready and excited over their uni camps and i've got nothing to rejoice about my heart just aches. :(

i hate my life.

been quite a while since i last blogged.. haiz and so muchie have happened.. finally i've received my final judgement.. i'm gg to SIM. That's it. but apparently that woman at home just dont want to accept the fact and insist that i enrol for the dip in teaching.. haiz.. what's the prob la.. haiz i'm so sick and tired of arguing with them what i want and what is GOOD for me.. what the heck.. i'm jobless now and damn damn broke. i help hui pay for 45 pounds and sm $45 for her SD card. how great. and all my previous employers just refuses to pay me back..(My PAY LA! DAMNIT) my bank account is depleting at an alarming rate.. my goodness.. haha but anyways that's not the main point.. yep yep.. today i went for Aloy's church service.. though it's EARLY in the morning but i felt much more comfortable then the time i went for JR's de.. dunnoe but not much jumping la.. then i got to talk to his cell leader for quite a while.. which i find that it's not bad.. maybe can ask sm and fishy along next time if i wanna go again.. maybe what aloysius said is true that you'll need to go more often to be familiar with the practice.. and seriously it is not easy to become a christian.. 1stly, i've got a woman at home who is always here to BLAST at me. 2ndly, i admit i lack the commitment to go to church every sunday and read the bible everyday.. 3rdly, i still kind of live by sight and not faith.. in one of the songs they sang during service is that " i live by faith and not sight" but i dont think i can do so yet.. aiyah it takes time lor.. yep yep but seriously i think nowadays ppl are so busy and caught up with their own stuff and attending something that makes u grow mature spiritually is like quite hard? i dont know la.. but if u ask someone would they rather go church or movie? if both are FOC i bet it's the latter lor.. but yah la.. just let nature takes its course.. i also dont want to force anything now.. just let things stay the way they are. I'm loving it! haha haiz.. oh yeah.. Hui if you're reading this.. your timetable u try to arrange same as mine okie? wed no school! haha then we can go chill out or exercise hor.. i made a new friend at SIM.. haha she's as crazy as me (thank God!) lolz.. i'm not so lonely afterall.. haha i've not been able to sleep well this few days.. dunnoe why also cant sleep that's why it's 1am liao but i'm still here.. damn what's wrong..also, i still love hockey so i'm gg to join SRC's hockey dont care what the woman says.. it's my passion :) even at the expense of my grades.. at least i'm doing something i like.. not say get a degree will ensure a better life.. my uncles are only sec 4 educated but they are like bloody rich.. so as long they are willing to slog to achieve..i would too if i put my passion in it ok! aloysius stop laughing when u are reading this okie. i'm serious.. i'm starting a cafe! lolz.. k la think i wrote enough already. must go watch movie when i come back from m'sia okie? Ciaoz take care Peeps miss ya~ /inital D/

end of the world

i think what aloy said about the end of the world is coming is TRUE.. maybe not for others but definitely for me. damn.. so many things happened recently and i'm not on track to settle all at once.. haiz.. my nus and smu application got rejected and now still waiting for the bloody ntu to reply me.. i was really feeling very down recently.. though i may not show it on the outside but seriously, inside me.. my heart is really broken.shattered. did i not work hard enough to earn myself a place in the university? but my grades this time were the best i had since i started JC.. so? what can i ask for more? maybe except my GP la.. but my maths is really gone case already lor.. haiz :'( i was really feeling very very very sad when i heard all my other friends looking forward to their uni life and which course they had to choose. but for me? I'VE GOT NOTHING TO CHOOSE FROM!!!!!!!!! haiz.. ok la SIM may have accepted me but so what? that's not the kind of uni life i was looking forward to when i made my choice to enter JC. rights? but again am i the cause of this whole shit? i think so.. and the worse thing.. the adverse support my mum has given me makes me feel that the whole world is crumpling down on me. she expects me to go work at some voluntary work and that i dont get paid?! WTF.. she everytime keep saying that she go out work so hard then i slack at home.. how come she dont understand the main purpose of her working so hard is because SHE IS PAID? damn. and i'm like working for free.. still must travel to HOUGANG.. fuck. i'm really very pissed lor.. even when i'm seriously sick she also say i act sick to stay at home.. damn. and the worse thing? i had to pay for my medical bills. see la, with this kind of mother i really feel that life is meaningless for me lor.. i really cannot stand it anymore.. she is like pushing me to the edge already.. i had ENOUGH! the comparision between me and my sis is also.. haiz why she just cannot get the idea into her thick skull that me and sister ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!? and that i cannot become like her? haiz.. dunnoe la.. like what i told aloy maybe this is what God has planned for me and it would be a better choice.. But still i hope i can still get into NTU.. that would be my best birthday present : so long

Rebellious!

muhaha.. mum's out of town and i've become super rebellious.. at this point of time when even i myself feel that i've gone out way too much it really mean business..haha but i really cannot resist the temptation la.. damn.. the day before we went to hui's bro's place to play mahjong.. wasnt really focusing cuz we were like more gossiping than playing.. heez after that hui drove us to crystal jade for supper.. SLURPZ and apparently with the ultimate 1.53 around we weren't short of embarrassing ourselves with her thunderous laughter.. haha ok la i also played a part :P i got home at 3 am la.. what the heck haha but big thanks to hui cuz she drove me back... haha so cool! lolz then yest also she drove us out specially to eat supper.. we went to the pasir panjang food centre to eat BBQ stingray and Zhu Zhu some seafood thingy that you hafta suck the flesh out de.. apparently we couldnt get the meat out and still have to ask the uncle to demo for us to see.. haha but we dint manage to finish it cuz it tasted really bloody.. haha anyways after that we went to dou feng around to changi and she brought us to see bah poks at changi village.. goodness first time experience such things.. i couldnt believe my own eyes.. i think i'm those ppl that i have to see it for myself to believe de lor.. if u tell me something but i never see it for myself.. i'll still have doubts about it.. hehe yep yep.. been gg with aloy more frequently this few weeks.. i better do something about it.. like keep a distance? aiyah i dunnoe also.. sian.. gg for bible lesson then tonight gg for oinks birthday party also.. alrights.. wanted to go sun tanning de but i think the sun like not strong already.. ciaoz

has my time come?

hey.. it's been a while since i last blogged.. very lazy to blog also.. haha yep yep that day i went out with aloy and guess who i saw?! my goodness he would be the last person i would want to see and i did.. haiz do u call this fate? J! argh.. i was like so damn paisey to see him.. at that moment i suddenly felt that i was doing something bad.. but apparently -_- i wasnt la.. i'm single so i can do what i want.. but.. to the extend of letting others misunderstand? i dont want.. haiz that day when we went out aloy was looking at my phone then he saw TT's pictures.. haiz i dont want him to misunderstand. then when i went out with aloy. J had to see us. damn what the heck man?!? actually i also dont know what i want la.. haiz.. just now we went to visit TT cuz he wasnt feeling well and so he hasn't booked in yet and i was watching some funny shows and i started laughing very loudly as usual and he actually said "aiyoh u laugh until so loud, next time how to live with you?" woa lao since when i say we'll live together? or is he hinting something? cuz when i ask him " i got say want to live with u meh" then he said " oh yah, i mean your parents?" someone.. PLEASE tell me is that this all is my wishful thinking.. damn. haiz then when i went out with aloy that day.. for the first time i think we just met up for dinner lor and movie.. and he is the one who initiated it la.. AGAIN REMIND ME CONSTANTLY! haha we went to eat subway for dinner cuz quite late liao then he was very hungry.. un-professional me eat until the whole table and skirt very dirty but he was like nothing happen and wanted to find a 'tian mi mi' place to eat -_- but dint la coz the air was too polluted.. haha i've never been serious before but i want to say something very very serious here! i really dont know what i want. damn. how do u make a choice? can i not make one? and if i dont want to make one why do i get jealous? for no reason? maybe what they say on tv is true that scorpio peeps get jealous easily huh.. i was quite convinced.. but haiz.. yah la i cant make a decision and this decision is no one can make for me de.. it's just my own personal choice.. and the greatest shit is that i'm jobless. fuck. how can this be true? haiz... $_$ life sucks even after exams :/

Ah-nei-you-ha-sei-you!

muhaha.. it's been quite a while since i last blogged.. though i was online practically the whole of last week, but i was just too lazy to blog.. muhaha.. yeps.. so now i'm attending bible lessons from Arthur.. maybe someday i may really become christian but i think for the time being maybe not yet cuz i need some time to really accept christ.. oh wells everything is not really going well for me.. i dint land myself the AES admin job.. damn must be coz i can only start in MAY that the bloody woman rolled her eyes and just eliminated me. fuck. whatever but sad to say... bye to my $1000 a month sit-there-do-nothing job.. sigh.. god save me.. sucks.. tell u guys something.. that day when i acc sm to see KOK for our bible lesson we went MAC and so after we finished everything i hadn't finished my drink and guess what? he just took it and drank from my straw.. i was like oh my God! but he like just drank it like normal.. even if it is TT he would remove my straw and drink from the cup la.. what the heck..i'm not trying to say anything here but hmmm... maybe i'll keep ya updated on the happenings.. muhaha last sat aloy asked me out but i couldnt coz i was super packed.. had to meet up with TT and JJ peeps since he got into army and at night got gm's birthday.. what the heck and i postponed it to this coming sat.. not really looking forward to it coz i look like a pile of shit now.. damn. really missed TT.. i felt a pang of jealousy when i knew that he was meeting another girl ALONE after the meeting with us.. damn why sia.. i should know that i dont have any feelings for him liao.. but why now this? fuck. but seriously i think it takes both hands to clap lor.. maybe we both have been behaving the wrong way that even my cousin mistaken us and even wanted to tell the bitch that i'm in a relationship.. -_- what the heck la.. damn.. yah la now i'm not asking for anything but just hope that nature takes its course and i will accept anything that comes my way.. today i went to SIM to apply for the business course coz till now i havent receive any letter from any of the unis and hopefully no news is good news.. and i had to take picture using those auto type of machine. damn guess what happened. i put in the coins and i thought i had to press some buttons and it started snapping.. how cool in the end one the pictures showed me bending down to examine the button.. how fuck.. hahaha but it was quite an experience... :P yeps fri i'm gg down to the attitude dance studio with JT and SM for some cardio dance class hope it will help me shake off some fats.. muhahahahaha time to exercise.. lolz k la that's all for now.. tmr i still have to go down to MOLE.inc to help out and shun bian gope some nice biscuits.. hahahahaha an-yeong-yi-kay-sei-you!

8th april

sianz.. i just woke up not long ago and later still have to go kumon to work..damn actually i'm feeling kinda lost now TT is in army.. why huh? haiz so sad.. damn.. yest i went back JJ and true enough AK was telling me stuff about jesus and wants to have 4 sessions with me to tell me all the stuff.. but i was explaining to him the main hindrance is my mum la.. she sort of limit my beliefs.. and my religion is what she believes in.. actually i dont really mind also la but if i have the freedom to choose from what i want.. i would rather.. -_- haiz i dont know la but i dont like christians to be very pushy like keep asking me to convert or what la.. OK?! damn so sian also yest JR ask me if i want to look for a customer service job at MOE from 10-2 i think it's good la.. one month lidat can earn $600+ dollars plus all my other tuition jobs sure can get a thousand dollars de lo.. hopefully i can secure that damn job.. yest went for the interview and i screw up the whole shit.. FCUK. the damn man was like so bu shuang with me lor.. haiz or maybe he is like what sm said that he has attitude problem.. but still i hope i can scrape through lor.. i still at a dilemma whether should i apply for SIM leh.. coz to think of it $52.50 is NOT a small sum.. but it's like a back road for me la in case i cant get into NTU or NUS (CHOY!) i think i'll consider again before i apply.. SUCKY oh yah btw i've gotten myself an english name.. muhahaha ZUAN peh.. nice and special no ppl have de.. -shy- lolz k la gotta go for lunch liao.. buai

Happy April F00l's Day..--> what e heck

ok.. another day just passed lidat.. actually tmr wanted to go blading with JJ peeps de but Jas couldnt make it so i think the whole thing cancel lo.. sian.. got to go for tuition in the morning tmr.. haiz.. but at least the dog my tutee has at home and the $$ makes me go.. muhahaha.. yest i was watching the "LADY FAN" and in the show one of the guy told the girl he liked "if i could, i would give you all the happiness in the world" woa lao after hearing that sentence i got goosebumps sia.. haha but i really cant imagine the feeling leh a guy that like u until will say this kind of thing.. but will he make good of what he says or just empty promises? haha who knows.. what the heck think i'm talking nonsense again.. haha haiz something's troubling me again.. SUCKY! that day when i know i was shortlisted for the interview i msged my CT and he congratulated me la.. nothing amazing but.. he started tell me stuff about GOD and wanted to meet me outside! goodness.. not say i'm interested in him or what la but somehow i dont have this good feeling.. but i can guarantee that he wont be up to anything.. damn am i contradicting myself? hahahah what the heck la.. tmr gg tuition in the morning then evening gg shopping with fishball peh to buy nicer clothes besides the usual tee shirt and jeans.. sian sun got tuition AGAIN haiz.. earning $$ not easy ah.. now i finally understand.. hahahahahahahaha but it seems like time really flies.. just when i thought i'm still growing up in a glance i'm working already and all the guys around me are enlisting into army already.. time really really flies.. it's so fast.. i read in a mag they said " there's no free lunch in the world except at mum's" haha true right? the only time we wont have to spend money and get a place to sleep and a meal to eat is at mum's mah.. haha saying about enlistment TT gg in liao i better get him a present on sun. a cap perhaps. he wants to wear a bandana.. what is wrong with him.. haha anyone who knows where to get nice and cheap caps TEXT ME PLEASE.. sank u very much :) ok la that's all for today.. ciaozzzzzz

something to be happy about

GREAT! i received the letter for me to go down for interview next thurs for the BA in NTU de.. my goodness finally got a dream come true.. haiz hope it will be smooth for me.. TT going to be enlisted next thurs.. i'm missing him already.. miss him not as in BGR type but as a friend.. no more ppl to acc me to gossip at night.. sigh.. ciaoz

coming home late.. haiz

sucks man.. now every mon----wed i'll only be home after 10 la what the heck.. and i bet bitch is going to show me the famous black face and sing the well-known opera. damn even if i explain to her that I'M WORKING NOT GOING OUT TO PLAY..somehow she'll say i'm talking back to her and blah..blah..blah.. damn. so i dont bother to do so la when she calls to kb i'll play the shut up game. shut up and let her nag the fuck all she wants. i just cant be bothered lor.. seriously.. that day when she said"u everyday go work until so late might as well dont work, stay at home good enough liao" and i was like what the heck la.. you ask me stay at home for what? do homework ar? what the hell la?!?! i think she just dont understand.. then that day i acc aloy go study also must tell her say i gg to visit my teacher.. woa lao also not say i'm doing something bad but haiz.. as usual if i tell her that i'm surely gg to get free tickets to DA OPERA! haha.. anyways.. what can i say man.. working at xue hai is fun la i get to teach the kids and stuff.. really got power to scold and do what i want in class lor.. being a teacher is REALLY SLACK.. seriously lor.. haha no wonder so many ppl want be teacher.. haha hope i can land a place in nie.. haiz.. sian man my love life is a clean SHIT i mean sheet haha.. seeing HIM like nothing also leh.. now this HIM i also is dunnoe which one.. haha maybe is aloy ba or TT or J but i think now i dont really care liao ba.. wait till i go uni.. muhahahaha *evil laugh gotta go liao my fucking eye is itching like hell.. damn

heya!

woa liew.. it's been quite a while since i last blogged.. haiz so much has happened over a short period of time.. think the last time i blogged.. havent get results yet but now the As are out and i cant believe i got B D O what the heck.. but actually i'm not disappointed at all cuz i was expected this kind of shitty grades lor.. just that my GP really made me feel disappointed.. i was expecting a B3 or B4 but fcuk.. i got C5.. damn.. maybe i was overconfident or what la.. but now i'm just keeping my fingers crossed that i can get into NTU NIE.. i really want to go there.. partly cuz there got cute guys! haha that day the guy that talked to us during the open house.. my godness.. haha but i guess cute guys will become not cute after you get to know them.. just like TT? haha i dont know la but haiz.. i just want to be good friends now. FULL STOP.. i dont wanna think of all this shit anymore.. True la i may feel lonely at times but do i really need a guy now? the thought of being burden-fied just turns me off.. and the fact that i cant let my parents know it.. damn.. worse lor.. but true enough sometimes i really think that we're more than friends la.. but so what sia? it just stops there.. we went blading again last week and after that we went to celebrate jas's birthday.. not bad la had quite a lot of fun.. haha although i think blading is really scary.. haha i'm quite terrified of the thought of falling down but i'm determined to learn it well.. haha not gg to let it have the same fate as knitting.. haha i think i'm really have "san fen zhong re du" whatever i like wont last for more than 3 months.. and this is the same towards guys also.. seriously.. i maybe crazy over this guy for some time.. doing everything for him but suddenly one day when i wake up i just feel dumb over all this shit then i realise that i dont really like him that much.. haha what the heck.. aiyah dunnoe la maybe i'm still not matured enough to be in a relationship? but if got any cute guys in uni... MUHAHAHAHAHAHA no la see how ba.. my wish now is just get into uni.. others can wait.. :P seriously.. haha went shopping with sm yest.. bought lots of stuff... i think top shop's really cool man! i think they had this new series of makeup and bath accessories and i bought a body mist from there.. cheap cheap $12.90 only.. haha bought nail enamel from red earth also.. $13.60 this one ex but the colour is the one i've been looking for so peeps if you're reading this call me up if you wanna do manicure! haha i can give you discount.. lolz.. so fun.. today went to eat international buffet at United Square.. very nice but very very very filling.. the food there has a wide range of variety lor and i think the coolest part is that we get to drink fruit juice using test tubes! haha i wanna set up a restaurant using all the chemistry apparatus to eat de.. haha good idea ba.. anyone interested please draft up a business proposal.. hahahaha we can be partners.. i'll consider except TT cuz i know he's out to cheat me! lolz feeling very bloated now.. really very full.. not a good feeling.. okay gotta ciao feeling very warm now.. damn

sigh

i'm sick.not love sick but really sick as in cough,flu and sorethroat. muhahah ok but that's the main point. the thing is. there's these two guys. i told both that i'm sick. One replied " Dont pass to me leh" and the other one said " Let's get sick together" Fine. so what now? i also dunnoe. yest when i saw his friends(before that they were apparently looking for me cuz jas heard them yelling my name) and i dunnoe him except one is my sis's friends they were like all waiting to see me la.. and my sis's friend actually said "jiu yang da ming" What's that supposed to mean sia? he's been telling his friends bout me? but for what? the day before i lent him my mp3 player and his friends thought that we had some sort of ai mei guan xi. in the past i thought so too know.. i also very confused now.. when he told me that i was like a bit shocked la but aiyah.. dunnoe leh!!!!!!!! ARGH howz? he taught me mahjong and i felt that we were like flirting on the mahjong table la.. that's very bad Daniel wont like it.. muhahaha but anywayz i think i'm just going to accept the fact that guys and girls can be good friends so.... we can too.. ciaozzzzzzzzzzzz

CNY!!!!

what is he trying to prove when he goes to buy 4D and the number is my unit number? ok la whatever maybe is my wishful thinking. damn tmr still got tuition with china boy.. sigh ciaoz.. the shitty headache is killing me!!!!

so happy¬

today is the happiest day of my life(2005) in the morning i went over to TT place to learn guitar and i learned the G chords already.. haha he said that's the easiest but when i learn it.. damn.. my fingers are super painful lor.. he say will grow some dead skin there then next time play liao wont be painful le.. but i doubt so.. haha after that we went to east coast to rollerblade.. though we dint get to sun tan but at least i learnt a little of rollerblading.. haha jasmine was holding on to me then when at the slope both of us were so confident but we end up falling and embarrassing ourselves.. haha so paisey lor.. she almost toppled over me but luckily she siam in time or else.. haha she ended up with a big bruise on her knee hahaha and today's also the first time i held hands with a guy but too bad la he's just teaching me how to rollerblade----> TT haha i guess the feeling is really different la.. although we held hands i felt that it was no big deal lor cuz he's not the one mah.. but i suddenly have this feeling that if one is in a relationship it's like carrying a burden and will be super tiring lor.. haiz.. even holding hands this kind of things will make me think of so many stuff.. really ar.. but i really had lots of fun.. after that me TT and jasmine went to far east to shop for new year clothes.. stupid TT wanted to buy new shoes but i told him say that design not nice but ppl insist on buying i wonder what his mum will say.. haha today so paisey la when i went to his house in the morning his mum was at home lor so i went to his room and dunnoe his mum will suspect that we're up to some mischief.. hahaha but please la i won't :P wahahaha really really enjoyed myself today we ate orange on the bus and i say until very loud on the bus "any fresher u have to peel it yourself" haha then got a ang moh guy look at me la.. but who cares.. after that got a few old woman boarded the bus and they look like the witches by ronald dahl? is this how u spell his name? haha dunnoe la just now news got say NTU offering 300 more vacanies for students hope i can get in successfully.. haha btw after i quit my job at MOLE and kumon i'll learn more stuff.. i feel that it enriches my life.. wahahaha ciaoz

haha

i love to hear him say " i'll call u when i reach home" hahaha make me sound so important.. :P

sian

i'm so super bored.. tmr hafta work at kumon then still got tuition with china boy.. if he's going to fang wo ge zi again they're going to get it.. i'm no pushover k.. haha whatever.. sigh..thinking about him now.. wonder if he's doing the same.. sigh* i'm supposed to acc him to highlight his hair today de but thanks to kumon i'm supposed to work till 6.15 then by the time meet liao too late ler.. haiz..all the obstacles.. lolz.. whatever he said to go cut it after CNY so still got hope la to meet up lor.. hope by the time he will still ask me..:P if not yah lor.. like what i've told sm if i dont see the guy i like.. slowly i'll forget about him but this time i dunnoe leh.. i keep having mixed feelings.. sigh* so bored going to sleep soon tmr must wake up early to go sun tanning... ciaozzzzz

shagged¬

oh my god.. so tired today morning sm came over and we went swimming after that had to go kumon to work.. almost doze off again.. damn even though we were super busy at that time.. i think something is wrong.. haha i need kopiko.. whatever.. today i got my pay at kumon.. only a measly $230 haiz.. i think it's so sad la i work there so long liao only to receive such spastic pay.. after work i had to rush to redhill to meet the JJ peeps cuz we meeting to go JR's mother's place for dinner.. so tired qiong here qiong there.. i tot we wont get to communicate today but i was wrong lor.. ever since we started on the choco enterprise.. and till the end of it i guess we had been in contact daily.. something which i look forward to.. heez :) coming thurs i'm going to acc him to have his hair highlighted and trimmed.. i think he's something wrong la.. i thought he just had his haircut though his hair is still as long as ever..:P i called him on the phone just now when we were at the coffee shop to return his call cuz just now i called him to ask for directions and i thought he had nothing to say to me.. i least expected him to say "i want to talk to u".. wahahaha though i was happy to hear that i think i embarrassed myself also la.. cuz i said bye bye almost immediately i finished what i wanted to say cuz i couldnt hear him and also partly couldnt be bothered?! i dunnoe la maybe i should just treat him like my buddy lo.. who says guys and girls can't be good friends? haha.. sat going rollerblading with the JJ peeps hope i wont paisey myself cuz i've never rollerblade before.. haha maybe will end up with scars.. whatever it is i just hope that it will be enjoyable lo.. i've learnt how to knit and he said that if i know how to knit liao and do something for him.. and now i'm wondering what present to give someone when they turn 21? gosh.. peeps out there any suggestion? maybe something cheap, good and meaningful? haha text me if u have any.. ciaozzzzzz

Perish in the name of love

i must say.. yesterday was the most memorable day of my life idunnoe la but i felt that it was lo.. for the first time in my life the guy that i had a crush on actually asked me out to buy CNY clothes.. when we were out i took a liking on a quiksilver shirtn he actually liked it too.. wahaha but too bad the smallest size theyhad is XL which is apparently too big for him.. heez.. yah lor. so we just walked around and we went to pacific plaza thinking that there are so many surf shops there maybe can find something nice but when we went there all the shops were closed liao lor.. so he suggested sitting down to think where we should go next.. haha for that moment i thought he was going to biao bai.. but please lor.. i think i'm too thick skinned to think of it that way.. ppl like me are not worthy of being in a relationship.. argh i hate myself.. but after that he suggested walking to wisma to check out the surf shop over at that side but when we walk there the shop is closed too.. so he suggested that we go drink coffee but i said drink liao wait tonight cannot sleep.. if i'm not wrong i think he asked about thrice if we should go get a cuppa but i said no la.. on one hand is i dont want to go home too late cuz i never tell mum that i'm going shopping.. she'll kill me on the other hand i dont want to be awake until 3+ even though i still did despite not drinking the coffee.. haha haiz i told xy bout it and she said maybe he wants to cosy up la but i doubt that's the case.. but come to think of it.. he's 21 this year and we've known each other for like 5 coming 6 years liao leh and this is the first time he asked me out to go shopping lor.. but when he confided in me that he's having some relationship problems with his classmate for being too popular.. haha i started thinking if he asked me out cuz his friends didn't want to go out with him.. if that's the case.. i'll be super disappointed in him.. damn.. why should my thoughts run wild lidat? :( dunnoe la so sick.. his going for haircut say that he wants to book it on fri but aiyah i dunnoe la so damn confused.. i want to know what he is thinking about.. i guess it's the same for everyone who has a crush lor.. sigh* sometimes i feel like msging him " how i wish i'm a guy so i wouldn't fall in love with you" but i think that it's super duper obvious that i'm trying to biao bai and he 100000000000% wont take me seriously de.. my goodness.. wo bu zhi dao la.. my mind's in a whirl now.. ciaozz think i'll do some knitting before i go to bed tonight.. tmr sm coming over to sun tan hope lime green wont be downstairs and that the sun would be super strong.. watch out for this corner.. haha

:/

gosh.. just now he just asked me out next week to go shopping for new year clothes.. hope it won't be a let down.. sigh.. guess i'm still not ready to let go? but i'll try okie? maybe this shall be my new year resolution ciaoz

the point of no return

i should snap out of it soon.. the day before was fuck.. i blogged but my high class lappy cocked up and great !nothing was saved..!"£$%^^%$££@£!^

are we fated to be?

my gosh.. just now when i couldn't come online i was like praying hard that i could log on.. and if i could it would mean that we were meant to be.. and i couldn't believe it when i actually logged on and saw HIM online.. at first i said hi but he logged off so i thought never mind la at least i saw him online but he came back and we're talking now.. gosh.. i think is i zi zuo duo qing la.. must be i watch too much love dramas liao.. but it really feels good to share your daily events with someone know.. though the person may not be very interested..but i think he alright la.. he like only listen to what i say lor.. but nvm! i happy to see that also.. hope something good turns out.. sigh* nighties

i really dont have the keys to your heart..

haiz.. so sian.. now after As liao everyday also work ,work, work.. sometimes i wonder why i am working so hard lor.. seriously.. how much money can i earn? i think my body is in a very bad condition now .. everyday very late then sleep next day have to rush to work again.. haiz evil cycle leh.. like the web of love lidat.. EVIL.. and can never get out of it.. damn i read my previous entry and felt that i was really really heartbroken at that time but dunnoe leh.. i feel that now maybe we're just friends lor.. seriously.. that day when i asked him if he missed his ex he said no but i felt chills lor.. woa lao what kind of damn feeling is that la.. sucky.. haiz i come online everyday hoping that he would and thank god.. he would but so what? i think he somewhat knows and is aware of my feelings la but SO WHAT?! no one makes the move we'll remain friends forever.. but that's not what i want.. I WANT TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS! GET IT?! argh.. he'll never know it.. fuck. why? if u dont like me why did u do all those things in the first place? u want me to fall in love with u izit? if that's what u want.. your wish came true ok!? damn. i'm getting emotional.. haha but the stuff he did are really the first time a guy ever did to me la.. sending me small notes to tell me to jia you during As.. christmas wishes together with melted choco.. haha and guess what?! we almost cohabited for a day.. but my mother dint allow me to do so.. haha of course i dint tell her that i'm staying with him la..if not all reading this please attend my funeral.. haha dunnoe la.. i'm feeling so damn confused by all this shit man.. seriously.. how i wish everything could be back like in the past.. me not liking u.. treating u just like my buddy.. i wish i may.. my wish will never come true till the day i give up on u.. chinese have a saying.. good cow never eat grass that it has passed.. but me leh.. too bad la i'm not a cow?! hahaha whatever talking nonsense now.. guess what? my occupation now is part-time tutor cum tuition centre assistant cum child care assistant.. how cool can it be? hahaha i'm only currently tutoring this china boy.. he's 14 oh my! he's quite cute leh.. haha maybe i should take a pic with him.. lolz :P i think his mum is out to cheat my money la i told her i want $150 for 8 lessons and that's super cheap liao lor and she gave me $120 for 8 lessons.. !"£$%^&*&^%%$!££"$!%"&! damn it lor.. but aiyah i see that they are not very well off so yah la.. kind ppl like me are hard to find.. hahaha must ji de if not the A level results come out will zao nie.. hahahaha ok la i gtg liao.. blogged long enough ler this time.. ciaozzzzzzzzz

heartbroken

ok..fine.. i get your idea.. we HAVE to remain as friends.. thanks for breaking my heart..

so long nv blog liao

woa lao i think it's been years since i last blogged.. fwends who have constantly logged on to see my blogg. sorry to have disappoint u.. haha been very very very busy ever since the exams over plus my high class com is down.. now taking a risk to use my sis's lap top to blog.. haha yeps anyway i've got a new crushie.. and u peeps should know who HE is la.. but too bad.. he doesn't get any of my hints and seems to be out to make me more heartbroken.. haha i dont know la.. keep your fingers crossed for me and hopefully i can write some nice stuff WE did together.. haha ciaoz.. tmr still gotta work at TT great..

Love is like ice. The harder u hold onto it. The faster it will melt.

*sigh* it's halfway thru my As and i really feel like giving up. seriously. my maths paper 1 is 101% gone liao.. haiz dunnoe what's wrong with me also.. fuck i wonder what's going to happen to me. hope i can get at least a bloody E for maths then i can get into NTU NIE.. haiz.. damn it. three more papers and i'll be free liao.. but i dont have that kind of freedom feeling cuz i know i screwed up the maths paper.. i was like day dreaming during the paper wondering what's going to happen to me.. so much things happened recently. haiz yesterday i heard on the radio bout the definition of " Ai Mei" as in love de. And i realised that my relationship with TT may not be that simple afterall.like just friends only? maybe it's ai mei. i think both of us realise it but just dont want to say so like nothing happen lor.. aiyah dunnoe la. i shouldn't be thinking bout all this shit now. this few weeks i hadn't thought about HIM or mentioned anything bout HIM but that day he suddenly msged me. bloody shit. i think that sort of ignited the flame of love.. hahaha whatever u call it. shucks lor.. i feel that we always feel awkward when we see each other in school leh.. hmmm how come huh.. izit a good thing or bad? dunnoe la.. sucks i'm feeling so sick now. got flu and then just now drink pear juice also kena choke. shucks must be something bad going to happen.. : oh wells~ hope the rest of the papers wont be fucky. cuz i've got confident in my chinese and chem papers but it's all fucking chee bye maths paper that's going to drag me down.. Argh! btw if fishy you are reading this.. can i meet u on the 19th then u lend me the xia ri xiang qi vcd? hahahaha ciaoz keep in contact!

thurs- A LEVEL CHEM PRAC

it's been quite a while since i last blogged and i guess it would be the last before my As.. can say that i've been mugging hard this few days at kap and going back to school constantly for consultation.. haiz.. so damn stressed.. dunnoe if what i've prepared myself for would be sufficient for the As not.. haiz.. my bloody maid keeps peeping at what i'm typing.. sucks.. yah anyway my fave teacher has left JJ and i'm feeling not very good lor.. haiz really miss her.. all the times i bully her and we laugh at stupid things.. i just miss them.. hope i can meet her again before she heads for cheena.. : ( haiz all the ppl i love are leaving, leaving me behind with da bitch. think she has really gone crazy.. everyday scold me like very fun lidat and keeps spoiling asshole. fuck them. still say he want to go into triple science stream.. haha! very funny. during exam nv study watch tv slacking. if can get into triple science i will go eat shit man... i really hate them. haiz.. k la dont want to spoil my day cursing them... i need to go study liao and i'm so happy that my house upstairs undergoing renovation not noisy. yeah! hahahaha ciaoz

my mum's a fucking bitch

i wonder if there's any other person's mum who would call their children early in the morning to yell at them and spoil their mood for the rest of the day. fuck man. i've got a chee bye mother. damnit la. i'm so pissed now. she keeps asking my thinks-she's-very-skinny-maid to check on me. fuck. what time i wake up. woa lao come on la.. it's human rights lor cant i even decide what time i want to wake up? and i even set an alarm liao la.. cannot also. fuck her. i'm so so damn pissed now. think tonight i'm not going to get peace liao.. she's surely going to kp until the whole night de.. that time my sis went to dye her hair and this is what happened. she dint scold my sis only directed her anger to me. fuck her. fuck.. fuck.. fuck.. spoil my whole day's mood. So what if i dint do well in my prelims? i can still pia for the As what.. then she only care bout my grades la.. not even bothered bout the way i'm studying. typical fucking only-care-about-results stubborn bitch singaporean. FUCK

R.I.P

i'm a goner.. seriously. got back most of my prelim results and they sucked.. now what time already and i'm still getting this kind of crappy results? maybe i dint really work hard enough but i cant help but slack leh.. haiz.. if As also lidat i think all my friends out there can get me a purple coffin next year liao.. GP 61/100 ; CA 58/100 (but still got one more paper maybe got some hope :P) ; MH 22/100 ULTMATE BA? ; CH dunnoe yet but 101% is fail de or else mao liau liau wouldnt have given me the revision timetable. fuck lor.. just look at my maths results.. i dunnoe what's wrong with me.. i've been trying to do some math revision this days hope they'll help.. saitty. somtimes i really feel like giving up cuz i study and study but results still like fuck lidat.. like no matter how hard i push myself e results will still be the same.. :( so what's the point man? but hopefully my As results will turn out otherwise though i know chances are small.. hope bitch can get e hint.i'm not asking for much just let me get into NTU. Arts and social science or business.. PLEASE! haiz i know la saying here is no use de must work hard. i'm trying my best liao ler.. hope there'll be some improvements in my results.. btw.. TTG rmb we said we'll biao bai together after the As? think maybe u have to do it yourself cuz i'm giving up on HIM liao.. i cant stand it ler.. i've deleted all his msges in my phone... hopefully i can forget him. he's like practically ignoring me la. WTF? so yah la from today onwards i'm going to make myself forget him.. though i know it's going to be hard i have to.. anyway now studies more important no time to miss him also.. growing fatter everyday.. hahaha must play hockey and swim everyday after the As lo.. ciao liao back to 'simple' maths! hahahaha buai~

finally over~

woa lao after 3 weeks of strguggling and keeping myself awake, finally the god damn prelims are over.. -phew- i'm like so relieved now.. really i think the 3 weeks is the hardest time of my life or should i say yest? woa lao i woke up at 3 to study till six then slept till 6.30 only. what the fuck la i really felt like dying. waking up in the middle of the night to continue studying... it just sucks. really.i better start mugging for the As now or i'll really have to stay up late when the time comes.. just now i went to read TTG's blog and she said she got highest for paper 2 chem! CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u owe us one treat.. hahaha think i'm going to get the lowest la.. what the hell.. whatever la i really tried my best to study liao or should i say i dint really put in a lot of effort? i dunnoe la.. so relieved that all this shit is over and cant wait to see how badly i scored. haiz.. but yah la i think i limit myself to slack till the end of this week then after i must really pia liao.. cant afford to waste anymore time ler.. haiz.. this few days dunnoe is i got attitude prob or what la been ignoring jas,jr and wp they talk to them or more like they ask me question i just shake or nod my head.. i really cant be bothered to talk to them leh.. i dunnoe why also.. kaoz so sick and tired of making myself suit their way of lifestyle and behaviour. i want to be me. crazy mad me. not just funny me in front of them. it's really tiring to put on the mask and try to integrate into their way. i'm sick and tired of trying.. tmr they going k box actually we already agreed? but i dun rmb saying that? yah but anyway. last min i decided not to go liao.. i dont think i'll have fun even if i go so why bother? wait i go there show black face then spoil everybody's mood. no point also la. i just wish that the As would come faster and i dont have to go to school anymore and face them. I CAN'T STAND IT!!!!!!!!! i'm just going to continue slacking at home go swimming tmr hope it would be sunny and go for haircut. cant stand my hair. now looks like.. i dunnoe mushroom?can fight with TTG liao..haha anyway wp just msged me i really think that i'm a very bad friend and i dont deserve them.. yah la anyway just leave this shit aside first.. i'm not in the mood to settle it now.. today i went to watch "The Terminal" with chris and i think it's a really superb movie lor.. woa lao Tom Hanks can act really well and the story's very touching also.. heez quite worth the money la just that stubborn me dint go toilet be4 the movie and my bladder was on the verge of bursting during the movie.. haha but anyway i still enjoyed it.. at least no pressure! haha~ haiz i came online hoping to see many peeps online but only like 3 ppl only? what the hell la.. everybody died already ar? kaoz.. saittie ( * )( * ) haha cant wait for next sat to come the whole bunch of my GSC class friends are going down to our fave teacher's place for a gathering before she leaves for china... haiz i'll be so sad when she goes lor.. cuz she's really my teacher cum friend leh.. i can even bully her.. lolz.. yah it's always lidat we dont cherish the ppl around us and when we're going to lose them we'll regret.. haiz anyways ciao liao today's entry super long. damn got mosquito bite me it's dead.. buaiiiiii...

DEAD

talking to aloy now online.. asking him to watch garfield at suntec so he can help me win the huge garfield.. haha i really want it ler.. it's so big and cute :P anyway today i went school for consultation and yah my CT saw me and he came over to ask "wah so yong gong ar jia you" hehe so nice of him.. shucks bad omen. lolz but i dint felt like seeing him though i knew i would cuz i was having bad hair day.. my hair is hopeless liao.. looks like shit now. cant help it. lazy to maintain it.. hehe meet fishy and sm for lunch we went to swensens and i had teriyaki sphagetti... slurpz so nice.. super full and i heard from smelly fish that sana is leaving singapore for good. she's staying in pakistan ler.. so sad! :...( i get really sad when i know i wont get to see my friends anymore.. gosh think on that day we go send her at the airport i'll cry lor.. cuz my fave teacher going to china for 1 and a 1/2 years and i think if i go send her off i'll cry also.. so i'm still deciding whether i should go to e airport not.. wait i cry then super paisey.. hehe today think i slack the whole day la.. only did some chem.. sucks. better buck up tmr.. 2 more days only.. shit. bye.

BURRP!

just came back from dinner with my uncle.. so nice he brought us out for dinner and we had sakae sushi.. so full.. we had 38 plates plus 4 red plates and 7 moshi ice cream lychee de somemore!( HUI i finally got to eat it) haha burp! i'm really super full now.. and satisfied.. haha my uncle's very nice to bring us out.. hehe now i'm only home with bastard and maid. both parents went overseas! haha i'm supposed to be freed but i dont feel the freedom? kaoz.. maybe cuz i know bitch will call anytime to spot check? she suck la. yesterday she dunnoe mad or what at first scold bastard then suddenly started scolding me. fuck la. also not my prob dunnoe drag me in for what. sucks. today i went swimming downstairs. i was so pissed. at first i wanted to sun tan cuz the sun was quite strong but after i went down the sun like dun have ler.. so i just swam hoping for the sun to come out again and it dint so i was like ok. forget it den then when i went upstairs the bloody sun came out FUCK. was i pissed man. then there was this guy like so hao lian that he got to sun tan woa lao.. i'm going to try it again tmr.. hope the sun will be out.. haiz.. must exercise already.. going to explode into a pile of fats soon.. all my muscle transformed into fats.. sucks. and i cant stop eating.. :P haha stress and keep eating.. tmr morning i'm going school to ask mao liau liau questions.. sucks la the papers all so difficult i dunnoe how to do. haiz uUu the papers that time hui zapped de like got missing de ler cuz got quite a few only got ans dont have the questions then i zap liao waste $$.. haiz dunnoe what the hell. tried to the tys also find it very difficult. die liao. i better buck up during the one month or so or i'm dead. just now heard form my sis that one of her friend broke up with the bf at this period when he's having his prelims.. sucky la. at this important time. she's such a bitch. so what if she's pretty.. kaoz.. make the guy so miserable. she still ask the guy not to think so much.. how can? use leg hair think also know cannot la.. sucks. but guys dont worry i wont do this to you de.. hahaha whatever.. i'm talking nonsense ate too full liao.. haha k la must go study ler.. byebye

i'm gonna flunk my prelims

seriously, think i cannot make it ler.. i really dunnoe how. my math suck and my chem also like not stable de.. chinese i havent even started studying la.. can go and die already... hope everybody performs badly in the As so the whole standard lower.. hahaha yesterday i went out with TTG and she's mad.. when i reached city hall so was nowhere to be seen so i called her.called and called no response. think i called her continuously for 17 mins.. NI KAN NI ! luckily at the 18th min she picked up.. very funny. she went to HMV and yi kou qi bought 3 cds.. spend over $50 haiz.. super rich.. after that we went to suntec wanting to catch garfield de but the timing very shitty. at 7.30 if i watch already then dont need to go home liao.. hahaha but..but.. if we had watched at Cathay we would have a chance to win the super big garfield there.. i want! but haiz.. in the end we had to walk all the way to marina square to watch and it was raining and renovation was going on.. so shit. luckily the movie is not bad.. i like garfield.. he's cute and he can burp! hahahaha if he was my cat think i'll squeeze him! (everyday) hahaha then after that come home the usual stuff lo.. at night i tried to do the NJC paper 1 and it was super fuck. i cannot do everything.. what the hell. am i not prepared or is the paper fucking difficult. seriously. i only score 12/40.. if A level lidat can go commit suicide liao.. later i am going to attempt the paper 2 not very funny. if i cant do again, i'll get super demoralised.. but before that i better start on my chinese.. haiz.. going to flunk maths.. can u imagine the worse exam conditions? sitting in the freezing hall and got a table with only three legs and cant stop rocking? fuck la.. i was so pissed that i gave up balancing it and it just kept rocking throughout the paper.. cool ba? haha after the paper we had phototaking. quite dumb la cuz the photographer is the school's photography club de. cant the school pay outsiders to do a more professional job? before the shot, sm told me say they take pictures damn lousy de nv even say 1..2..3 sucks la.. so i told my CT and he was like saying if i'm not happy with it i'll ask them to take again and again and again.. haha so funny. then before the shot we were all ready suddenly he shouted. MUST SAY 1..2..3.. huh! hahaha so funny la (Oops am i developing a crush? :P) then after taking the formal pic we had to take a informal pic so he walked behind and i think he wanted to stand somewhere near me.. dunnoe izit i duo xin or what la.. but i should know student and teacher is impossible de lor.. i've experienced it before and know how it's for me to forget him.. haiz he's still so cute.. really miss him leh.. everytime if i take 173 i'm hoping to see him at clementi or at his school but haiz.. u know.. the more u want to see somebody the more u wont get to see him.. it's only at the wrong timing then will he appear.. haiz whatever la. think i've got thing for older guys. they seems more mature.. heez. k la today's entry quite long i must go study liao i only got 5 more days (including today) before my next paper.. ciao liao byeeeeeeee~

sucks

just now went to check out hui and sm's blog. seems like no one came online to blog recently except me. haiz when my results are like shit already i should be studying hard and not blogging here. sucks. yest just had maths paper 1 and fuck lor think i'm going to flunk it all the fucking shit i cant prove.. use wrong formula have no idea how to do.. that's so cb and i was having cramps sitting in the i-think-it's-zero-degrees hall freezing and trying to think of how to do.. fuck la.. i really hate maths. yest TT say that he thinks that he may not be able to make it to uni i'm very scared that i'll have the same fate as him.. i dont want.. though i know chances of me being that is quite high.. damn it ar i dunnoe how also.. maths really suck lor. i still got quite a few chapters i'm not familiar with and only got a month away from the As.. how sia. this is so fuck. yest i studied till 3 in the morning and this morning bitch woke me up at 9.30 saying that our maid had ran away. fuck. she was hanging the clothes when i woke up la.. what run away so sucky. and my bastard bro.. woa lao think my family arh.. really suck..oh yah one thing i must mention about.. now i dunnoe if i really still like HIM not.. cuz yest i was looking at HIS pic hehe then i suddenly asked myself if i really still liked him.. i couldnt answer cuz i was so damn scared that i have a crush on my stupid CT. woa lao.. i dunoe.. argh! how do u define if u love someone?
1. do things out of freewill for him
2. sms him and hoping that he'll strike up a conversation
3. paisey to talk to him in school?
4. try to avoid him as much as possible although i may want to see him very much
5. become jealous when he's alone with other girls
6. when he sends u simple msges like even "take care ya" you'll feel warm at heart
7. every single thing of his (money) you'll keep it and wont spend it..$17 hahaha :P
argh.. i'm so in love.. but dunoe with who.. aiyah maybe i can like 2 person at the same time? hahaha no la i not so bad de.. haiz cant wait for all this shit to be over.. i wanted to biao bai together with hui after the As de but now i cant even be sure of my own feelings how to biao bai? my goodness.. maybe i should do a sign test.. (numerical analysis) hahaha i love him. i love him not. i love him .i love him not. i love him .i love him not. i love him. i love him not.i love him.i love him not.i love him.i love him not.i love him.i love him not.i love him.i love him not. i love him. i love him not.i love him.i love him.i love him not. i love him.i love him. i love him.i love him. i dunoe! do i love him? can time tell? this is so fuck.

prelims..prelims..

sai.. prelims coming ler.. actually it's tmr la.. but i'm a bit sick of studying and sitting in a pile of dust.haiz.. yest studied till 2 (first time so late) and couldnt wake up till 9.30. shit haiz after tt got tuition with beef but dint managed to clarify all my doubts.. haiz.. i must really pia now. i did maths but not chem and CA on hold la.. sucks. must squeeze all and finish studying cuz i hate that kind of hopelessness i have when i dunnoe how to do questions during exam... haiz.. now talking to my teacher and sana.. yawnz.. think i'll qiong again after this. must liao. k la short entry this time.. buaiz i love him.

love-sick~

I miss him.. badly that is. argh.. must study hard.. sucks cant wait for exams to be over i'm going to BIAO BAI!!!!!! hahahaha

happie teachers' day!

yest i went back to new town to see da teachers and i was shocked to learn that last tine my chem teacher mrs lim actually became the vice principal! and the saddiest thing that i've learnt is that my ex physics teacher mr james tan got some viral infection in his right ear and had to depend on a hearing aid! gosh man.. so many things happen after we left new town.. woa lao.. so damn sad for him la but glad to see that he had taking things into his stride so ok la.. i was like bullying him throughout our whole visit.. so song! he wore this weird shirt that a brush can be stuck on it de and i took a few pics of him! hahahah snoops say that i'm crazy but who cares man? think i'm too stressed la.. before that i went to visit the drink stall auntie and she's still the same. hope nothing will change next year when i visit them again during chinese new year.. haiz.. this morning just got scolded by bitch cuz i slept until 10+ fuck la also nobody wake me up.. i was quite tired last night lor.. damn it. i'm in for it tonight liao.. jialat. fuck her sia. later going over to jing's place to study hope it will be fruitful.. damn it i got stomachache need to go shit liao.. ciaoz I WILL STUDY HARD! miss him!

ghkldflgka;klf

it's been quite a while since i last blogged.. think the last time i blogged my high class computer went crazy and dint save any of my entries.. sucks hope it wont be so this time round.. yah prelims are super round the corner and to be exact i just started revision..think i'm really doomed la.. dead ler. i dunnoe how.. i've got tests every week then my revision schedule have to adjust just to make time for the bloody tests.. sucks la dunnoe how also.. haiz oh yah be4 i forgot today something bloody embarrassing happened.. after morning assembly today i swing my bag just normal to carry it but i dint realise that AK was behind me and i think i accidentally hit him( not accidentally i think i really did) shit and where? somewhere sensitive? sucks man.. he was like " how dare u " but i pretended not to hear cuz i was talking to wp.. woa lao super paisey lor.. luckily dint see him anymore for the rest of the day think i'm too embarrassed but i did not do it on purpose also de mah.. heehee.. actually that day SM asked me if i liked him then i was HUH! what the hell la? crush on my CT? i'm scared that i'll la cuz he just has this very special bonding with our class lor.. but yah la i wont allow myself to fall in love with him and i'm 99.9% sure just that 0.01% sometimes i wonder if i have a crush on him also.. but alast! J is the BEST! hehe tmr's maths mock i'm doomed for sure just came back not long from celebrating fishball's birthday.. we went mouth kitchen to eat and sure did i explode.. ate super lot la.. but throughout dinner only me and her talking the others all super quiet dunnoe y also.. generation gap ba.. dunnoe la.. i hate asshole. he got new phone new specs. and i'm stuck with my blue rimmed specs and high class 3310. think i'll change to permanent contacts when i'm in uni la (bt that's if i can get it) and i'm going to get a super nice phone.. i just love my 3310. u dont be jealous.... ciaoz gotta rest ler.. @_@

fuck. something's wrong with my blog. what i typed just now all gone.. FUCK. i love u

djchsdljkvbadfjkvb

cough*cough*cough* think i got lung cancer or what. cant stop coughing.. haiz.. on fri 13th, aloy's bday. went to the SPOOKS show wit jr,wp,tt and yah aloy went with his classmates lor.. i kinda miss him.. heez.. Hmmm.... dunnoe if that kind of feeling is coming bac! ha! yah and u koe what? he waited for me after the show! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! why? he told his friends to go to the food court first then he came to talk to me.. hehe was kinda happy and shocked. jr wanted him to send me home but luckily she dint see him. i dint want to embarrass myself if he rejects la i mean this kind of stuff should be he offer to do it himself and not someone ask him to do.. sound so mechanical.. haiz.. yah anyway we just talked lo.. nothing much la but he said he wanted to make cookies.. Hmmmm.. after the As think i'll be super busy.. we say already. after the As come my house then we make cookies,cheese cake,mango moose cake,muffins,sushi.. wah so excited.. cant wait for the As to be over! ciao liao tmr still got grp 2 and grp 7 re test.. -sucks- :

Sick..

oh wells~ i'm sick.. got fever (38.5 degrees), flu,cough,body ache.. kaoz.. all come at the same time.. so sick.. slept until 10.35.. (oink oink) haha so bored. but i must start studying liao or i'll not make it.. just now went to read hui's blog and she already finished her revision for chem and me? i haven't even started a single shit.. die liao...
Things to complete today:
1. finish GP TCA
2.Finish chinese lian xi
3. study for CA test tmr
4.Continue for revision on all sub (stick to my study plan)
that's all liao.. better not blog too much a bit waste of time.. hope i'll be fit to go school tmr.ciaoz

i am sick.

woa lao.. i'm sick AGAIN.. think i've became super weak ever since i went to JC even FIshball is stronger than me.. but maybe cuz of yesterday la.. can u believe it? i went to k box with BITCH until 1+ woa.. sang until like crazy.. then now sick already.. i went to hui's house to study but not very fruitful cuz i couldn't do any of the simple maths. damn feel like killing myself. watched Singapore Idol. kaoz there was this guy he sang super softly than he complained that the judges didn't give him any comments when in fact they couldn't hear him.. so dumb.funny la.. saw TT on TV but he like camera shy lidat.. maybe he's not cut out to be a idol afterall.. hmmm... but who am i to judge him anyway? today's blog will have to be a short one.. i'm really feeling damn sick. aching body, block nose.. then tmr i'm still going k box with hui they all.. dunnoe whether i should go not.. so so sick.. but i promise them liao if dont go like very bad lidat.. haiz.. dunnoe la see how i feel tmr morning.. yawnz.. that's about it la.. I MISS HIM------ badly.

Memo~

1. I miss HIM. I really do. I love HIM. I really do.
2. i want a new PHONE! maybe T610? we'll see.
3.tuition tmr. will see beef. hope he is cuter :P hahaha
4.watching the village tmr hope it'll be scary.. lolz :)
5. I miss HIM.
-bleh-

bored~

yawn.. so bored i cant do anything this days.. dunnoe what's wrong with me.. As coming soon and i'm not even working hard.think if i flunk it cant really blame anyone...i dont feel like studying this few days.. i really need some motivation to work hard but i dunnoe what.. kaoz.. i feel like going overseas to continue my studies but i think BITCH wont allow haiz.. dunnoe how.. prelims think one month away and great! i havent start revising.. and the damn problem is that i've got so much work to do and havent complete yet.. SHIT someone help me.. trying to do gsc now but i cant find any damn info online.. dunnoe how.. sucks all this just sucks.later jj coming over to study hope it'll be fruitful.feel like dying. i miss uncle :~(

what are u trying to show?

i dont know what HE's thinking.. seriously. i feel lost... he keeps telling me to concentrate on my studies.. only 2 possibilities. 1. he thinks i'm attached and hope i wont spend so much time with my so called bf (he's jealous) 2. he's just concerned. As much as i hope HE is thinking of option one, i dont think so... yesterday i saw him in school again tot he was going home. if i'm not wrong i think he was talking to me asking me something but i kept saying byebye to him... weird me. ok whatever.. i tot i would see him at the bus stop but my hopes were dashed. he sent me a few weird messages yesterday that kept me thinking bout them. here it goes "everyone i have met has some influence in my life. i realised that beneath the sack of unhappiness situation,i realised how beautiful life is. So, at times the best ans to things may be jus to observe it longer.N dun b angry if it did not go ur way for everything would hav a reason for it to happen." what did he meant bout this?? i dont understand!!!!:( it was only when i told him that it was drizzling then he sent me this msg " u know i hav always like a small drizzle. the rain give me isolation but yet the idea of not being lonely.. Besides it cools me down =)" when i read this msg i replied him that i learn something new about him and he just told me to concentrate on my studies... SHucKs. i got a bad feeling that he knows that i like him? shit. better not be. actually the previous entry i said i've forgottne bout him but i think it's not true la. i can't. it's too hard for me to let go. everytime i see him in school i'll just go gaga.. cant! shit. someone teach me how to forget a person. :( prelims coming. i haven start revision. congratulate me. great. fri got CA test need to go study liao. bye.

heya~

yesterday i went on a so called date with aloy.. and hmmm... quite fun. :) we went shopping at heeren for bracelet cuz he wants it (how vain):) he better not read this.. yah la whatever and when we were looking at bracelets, a few times i actually helped him to put on the bracelet cuz he couldn't do it himself.. it was really a nice feeling like u know helping your boyfriend to try out stuff.. but yah la i know we wont even be together.. yah so.. we walked around in heeren and guess what? i saw bloody prince of eye bags with his bloody gf holding hands trying to look very loving.. pls.. get the hell out of my sight lor.. i cant stand it.. trying to act couple.. sucks.just sucks. yah so after that we actually intended to go eat sakae sushi de but think a bit too ex so we end up eating at far east instead.. he brought me to eat hor fun which was like ok only and he kept saying that it's nice.. weird. whatever la.. he had to go for a haircut after that so we were like kind of rush.. hmmm.. so sad if not we could have gossiped more.. think yesterday was once i spoke the most to him.. haha yah after that think he was still early so he walked me to taka to buy donuts for my greedy sis and i think it's really nice of him la.. it's quite a distance from taka the food court there to far east and he dint say anything like dont want to go there or what.. for that he deserves another star * hahaha.. yeah i had an enjoyable time yesterday..(though we met bags) :P today.. went to school for college day.. sian but ok la hope i'll get a few cip hours.. haha i very bad right.. yah anyway saw HIM but dint feel anything.. actually i loathe the sight of him.. maybe is bcuz of that time embarrassed myself in front of him then i dont want to see him anymore... think i very bad but who cares anyway.. for that.. i think i've already forgotten bout him liao.. as in dont like him already lor... i think that's good la.. cuz i think i like him until i very xing ku. so near yet so far.. not a good feeling. perhaps i'll be better off without him? who knows man? let time tell. i better start mugging for the prelims liao.. though i know i'll still suck at it.for the previous test TT actually scored better than me.. i was actually mad at him coz i thought that he dint deserve to do better than me when i actually handed in my tutorials that i completed MYSELF. for once. hahaha.. yah la anyway that's bout all le la.. hope i'll dream of aloy and bryan tonight.. muack*

sucks

ok.fuck.yesterday was the shittiest day of my life.. what can be embarrassing than to embarrass yourself in front of the guy u like? damn i was like wanting to kill myself.. i was running to the toilet leh.. so fast that i slipped and fell right onto the floor.. kaoz.. it was really super duper paisey.. kaoz and now my knee hurts. ok. whatever. just dont feel like seeing him anymore.. but seriously come to think of it, i think the more i dont see him the more i dont like him already.. heez~ or maybe i should say i think i gotta crush on someone else.. haha and the person is... -drum rolls- Bryan! and guess what? he's from new town and one year younger than us.. yes. u and me.. jie di lian... :P haha woa lao he's super duper cute lor.. especially after his softball trainings his face red red de.. wah.. i see already can melt sia.. very cute. yah la come one it's just a crush and i cant foresee us being together. ha! (as if we would. he dont even know me) lolz. :P yah la but he's just super cute. last time in new town i dont think i ever see him be4 haiz.. if got then maybe i would have gotten to make friends with him.. hehe yah anyway this few days i've been feeling quite FUCked up with SM. i dont know what's wrong with the both of us. keep getting into quarrels. it's been lidat ever since the starting of this year. i keep getting pissed by her. and the fuckiest shit is that i think she doesn't regard me as impt as he best friend AH MENG! damn. whatever la say i'm jealous or what i dont give a damn. she asked her out to watch brotherhood. blah blah blah.. forgetting bout me. damn. maybe in her heart i'm just no one. seriously speaking, i don't really like ah meng coz i think that she don't really like me either. i dont make friends with ppl who dont make friends with me... that time go visit elizabeth in the hospital she already show that she a bit bu shuang me la but maybe partly is coz of what sm complains to her about me? yah la i dont really give a shit. this friendship is encountering many problems and i'm quite sick of having to keep up with her mood swings and stuff. maybe we have held on for too long and it's time to let go? yah la i dont know. tmr i meeting aloy to pass him his stuff then we going for dinner. hope it'll be enjoyable. ciaoz~ :

i dont wanna live anymore

today just sucked for me. i had my nmr test and i felt so damn bloody stressed. i dont feel like living anymore. everything's going wrong for me. i'm flunking my tests(including today's i guess) suck. i dont think i can make it for the As. so damn stressed. sm say this is the route i've chosen so i just have to make the best out of it but i cant. i feel sucked off my soul. my everything. i have no time for anything except to study.what the hell. and to make things worse. just now when i took 176 home and when i was boarding the bus some fucking guy in front of me actually elbowed my face. fuck. and he dint even apologose. just treat as if nothing happen. what the hell. today's real shitty. everyone thought i was something wrong and i was la k.. i've got attitude problem. checked out TT's new T630 like not very user friendly.. maybe i should continue waiting for my dream phone but if i die then dont need to wait liao. great.

Meet the BITCH session

maybe to the others it's the meet the parents session but for me.. it's the meet the BITCH session.. haiz the day i've not been looking forward has finally arrived.. at first i thought is only my dad going but i think he dragged the bitch along or she wanted to go complain la.. so they both went and meet all my teachers.. gosh for the first time in my life i really felt like dying leh.. so pressured by them for the need to do well.. and yah AK tried to crack some weird jokes but i guess the both of them weren't too amused.. ha. whatever.. subsequently they meet up with my chem chinese math tutors yah that bloody bitch actually asked all my tutors to give me extra work.. damn her lor.. as if my hw can finish lidat.. and the worse fucking shit is that she actually went to find the principal to complain bout me joining interhouse and stuff.. bloody. yah la whatever.. and guess what? i saw HIM in school with his mum... haha maybe will become my future mother-in law? hahaha (come on la it's just my wishful thinking) but i still hope that it can come true.. :P at the time i most dont feel like bumping into him.. i did.. and also... today we had badminton interhouse and i won.. haha so happy.. k la i want to go watch tv liao... ciao think i'll study hard and do my nmr stuff later.. hehe muack*

youth DaE~

heyz.. today's holiday for all youths... hehe maybe except the poly students.. well, actually today i should stay at home to study de but.. haiz AK dated the whole class out to watch SPIDEY!! oh my gosh.. the movie was awesome! very nice.. but i still prefer spidey 1.. yeah whatever.. so we went to cine to watch and after that AK act floor head snake brought us to some killiney kopitiam for toast and tea and there got one sucky waiter with some stupid attitude problem.. kaoz.. then AK ended up gossiping with us and commenting bout his attitude.. and for the first time i dint felt that he was the teacher cuz he managed to merge with us quite well.. yeah after that TT wanted to go centrepoint read mag.. (like got so much time) so the whole group of us went along.. and guess what? AK told us a big secret.. haha think i was laughing like a mad woman when he told us that.. when he was young he dreamed of becoming spider man and he went to school to catch a big spider.. and he actually extracted the spider's blood ( he said it was neon blue in colour) and transferred it into his veins on his arm and he just laid there waiting for something to happen.. and all he got was a small bum.. hahaha dumb izit it? i dunnoe whether what he said was true not cuz when i told sm she said maybe he was lying.. but who cares la? i mean i'm really shocked to find that he's actually this kind of person leh.. in my view he's those serious type of teacher but after today.. gosh i actually find him childish? or childlike (this is what he said).. till now.. he's still into transformers leh.. the toy BOYS played with and he actually harbour thoughts of becoming spider man? hahaha so after he told us that we were like all teasing him and stuff la.. can u imagine your civics tutor ( A GUY) is actually into doreamon? hahahahaha yah la whatever.. this sat is the MTPS.. wonder what he'll say.. (your daughter keep teasing me and dont respect me by calling me "ah de")hahahaha think i'll die a horrible death with a excellent result of C F F.. haha dunnoe i tuition also tuition until so shitty results... oh btw i think i dint mention in front that AK was the one who suggested that we go look at TOYS!!!! gosh.. my opinion of him has totally changed.. :| dunnoe for good or bad.. but the seriousness i've always held for him i think... Gone with the wind.. yah so after viewing the toys i took 171 home and i felt that i boarded into a live scene of french kissing.. kaoz.. one couple i think around my age was somewhere near me and the both of them were like french kissing there.. ON A CROWDED BUS! how sick can it be.. i could even see their tongue in each other's mouth ( that's how close i was to them and how gross) kaoz.. they want to kiss go home and kiss la why on the bus.. but i think only me and my friend saw .the rest like COCK-eye leh.. sucks man.. one more even disgusting scene was the guy was holding onto a cup of drink so he fed the girl with it and he took a sip then after that? French kiss again.. woa lao .. i dint mean to see la but kaoz just right in front of me.. AND THE GUY SQUEEZED THE GIRL'S BUTT.. i think they felt like fucking on the bus but too bad not enough space..hahaha so sick la they all... yah but i had an enjoyable day today.. how i wished time hadn't passed so fast.. but... i believe now and i think that it's true that when you're busy with something u won't have time to miss the GUY u like... so hope i can keep myself busy always so i won't have to miss him anymore.. ;)i dont wish to like him anymore and make myself miserable.. ( talk easy action hard) :) ciaoz!

Squash~

heya.. so long nv blog ler.. hehe no time.. everyday go school super sianz. yep later i'll be going to school to take part in the interhouse squash tournament.. WOOHOO! hope i'll get to clear my rounds and not end up like last time... anyway.. yesterday we went to play badminton to get ourselves warmed up for the badminton interhouse.. so excited and i was appalled that actually a few j1 guys were so enthu bout it that they joined us to play.. haha we played till 6 lidat then went home liao.. whole body aching yest but i dont feel anything today.. haha sporty mah me.. lolz.. yah so monday AK gonna bring the whole class out to watch SPIDER MAN 2.. i'm so excited.. can see my ex-husband in action.. haha after that dunnoe whether i should join my classmates for another movie or should i meet up with aloy for a date.. haha if that's what he calls it.. yah la whatever.. i'm always sandwhiched b/tw him and my friends.. yawnz cant be bothered.. aiyoh 10 liao.. i better go get ready for later.. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz missed him as usual and i dint get to see him in school at all this whole bloody week.. i just cant believe it lor.. he signed up for squash but dint go?! haiz.. so disappointed. maybe he's trying to avoid me? great. oh another thing.. TT dint make it to the third audition for singapore idol.. the judges said that he sounded like he was selling durians.. haha actually i'm a bit sick of him not doing his work and keep wanting to copy from me?! haiz.. dunnoe la. so sick of everything and flu is back AGAIN! buaiz`