today's sun and still got FOUR more days before i get to talk to aloy again.. it's been really a looooongg wait but i'm a bit surprised that i handled it quite alright. i only cried like once? when i was waiting for the MRT to service and i opened my phone to read his last msg to me before he left for camp i was like.. tears just welled up in my eyes but i managed to control my emotions then i just took the train all the way to expo, alone, went for service alone,shopped at bugis alone, until sm and sis came, after that went home, alone.bought a top from dorothy perkins and a POLKA DOTTED SKIRT! hah something i really like. think i need to lose a few more kg if not the skirt gonna be real high. but i think i'm really accustomed to it already la.. i mean seriously when school starts, i got so many prog lined up and projects coming up.. sigh i really wonder how life will be and what GOD has planned for me.. i just feel that the future is so uncertain. but i just hope that this relationship will last la.. sigh i just cant imagine me having to go dating with BRODS! *blush* :P muha.. yep.. i'm getting quite excited over the next few weeks and got so many activities planned ahead.. orientation, getting new lappy, maybe moving to hostel, steamboat with evofus and partners,birthday celebration for my beloved and the STAYOVER! WOO HOO we can talk all night and be damn tired for service on sun.. hah @_@ sounds so exciting right? i guess i've never been so excited in my whole life before.. hah but seriously. arrgh i need to go get gift for aloy. having any sale anywhere? muha tell me if u guys know okie. oh yes for the steamboat: EVOFUS SUPPOSE TO PAY ALSO! there's no free lunch in this world. kaoz especially TAY who always want to take advantage of your friends in this aspect ! tsk tsk. hah orientation at NIE was quite alright. got to know quite a few good ppl. and there's this guy in my GESL project grp that looks like WU KE QUN! haha seriously and his cologne woa kao put so much -_-'' and the best thing? he's in my chinese tut grp also and HE'S GOT A CAR!!!!!!!! muha.. so excited but he's 30.. yawn too old for me i like longan still. slurrp hah alright la too much nonsense already. c u evofus on the 9th at the royal palace for steamboat ya? take care peeps and GOD BLESS ciaoz

i love u han han

*muack* Mr longan ;P one picture speaks thousand words

i love my army boy

Time really pass by very quickly. That day when i went to pasir ris to pick aloy up i felt like a thousand years had to pass before i would reach there but after that time passed very very quickly.. and sigh before i knew it, it was sunday already and he had to book in le.. the worse thing? both of us were sick down with flu and sore throat.. sigh really cant bear to see him gg in to tekong again this time round sick and coughing so badly :( but still the separation this time round wasnt as bad coz i'm sort accustomed to it already.. HOWEVER!!!! this fri he's gg for field camp so i wont be seeing him again coz he wont be booking out.. sigh so it's another 2 weeks before i will see him again.. sigh the only thing that comforts me now is that at least when he books out he would have only 1 more month in tekong before he POP so i'm actually loooking forward to it. The good thing is that now i'm not crying anymore.. my tears have dried and i've gone tired from crying and crying but many many thanks to my friends who have attempted to distract me and to accompany me, also to listen to my endless stories and to comfort me when i felt the weekest. Things arent that bad afterall.. i'll make it through it. sigh.. so many things have happened recently. i shant elaborate any further here but just to tell u all peeps out there to take care of yourselves and talk to me if anything's troubling u okie? GOD BLESS ALL!

:)

long while since i've blogged again. so fast it's thurs already. one more day and Aloy would be booking out.. yup but bad news next week it's going to be a tough week for us coz i'm gg orientation and he would be gg for field camp and it's gg to be 7 SEVEN!!!!!!!! days without seeing him or even talking to him on the phone and what's worse? NO BOOK OUT. hurray. cant wait it to come. sucks man what's wrong.. #@$&^@(*$&%(@*^$& anyways booked evofus and partners on national day for steamy boaty cum chocolate fountain at the royal palace. hope that all can come :) yeps. that's one exciting thing that's keeping me going. School's starting soon and i feel a bit lost. Maybe a new environment can help me keep things off my mind for a while. To all my friends out there who saw me shopping and even asked me if i'm ok after reading my oh-so-depressing entries, just want to make a loud shout out " THANK YOU!" i'm better le. trying to adapt myself to this new but not permanent lifestyle, but i know i'm gonna make it coz i have u guys with me :) Take care and GOD BLESS. :)

happy 10 months :)

10 Months ago, we were still friends, and 10 months later, we've turned from friends to lovers. indeed, time passed very very quickly. Hopefully for the 2 years in NS will also be this quick.. sigh last night i was crying to myself, coz i suddenly felt very lonely.. i think by this time most of my friends would have gotten sick of me feeling so sian and crying all the time, so i decided to leave u guys out of my heartbroken-ness. Especially aloy.. dint want him to worry so every night when we're on the phone i would sound very happy. :( the truth is i'm feeling more lonely than ever. everyday may pass very quickly, but my days are very lonely.. this is the truth. but i'm still glad that i have some friends that i can lie back on. that day went out with fish and sm. sorry fish i dint mean to sound rude bout the last thing i said that if u guys hadnt been in my situation before, you'll never really understand how it feels. but it's really the truth. many of you guys out there are asking me to be strong but can u guys really understand what i'm gg through? i doubt so.. i read in the fasting booklet today that we can never know what is LOVE unless we've given out our LOVE and received it back from the same person. similar to this situation i'm in.. The kind of feeling when i miss aloy is not something i can use words to describe and fish say that i still have my friends, but my friends are already very busy with their own stuff and troubled enough. The person who shares the most time with me and most willing to listen to my complaints is far away in tekong.. sigh it's never the same u see.. :( but i'm still thankful for the time on the phone everyday and even for my friends who bothered to listen to my heartbreak stories. Thank u peeps. i really appreciate them. For those who are nursing a broken heart too, i'm really sorry i cant feel how u are feeling now coz i'm not you but i guess we all will have to learn how to pick up the broken pieces and move on again..

medical checkup

This morning i woke up in shock when my alarm rang.. it's like so loud la.. havent been sleeping well this few days.. been having insomnia maybe coz i'm too used to be sleeping after 1+ but almost everyday when i lie on my bed, all the day's events would run through my head again and i keep thinking about everything, him gg army, how will i cope, what stuff can i bring him when he books out.. so it's like my mind's still very active though i'm tired.. but still cant sleep. was awaken by his sms in the early monring was really happy and when i re-read the sms, but i almost teared coz he told me that i was the only thing that kept him going on in army.. and that really made me feel ultra super sad.. it's like he's so helpless, and there's nothing i can do but to encourage him.. but it's okie. i have faith my dearest that he'll do it. I'm so glad that i managed to talk to hatty jing yest and she gave me advice that really was what i needed. Thanks girl :)) what i really need to do is to THINK POSITIVELY now.. wait patiently for the 2 weeks to be up when i will see him again.. :X yup today went for medical checkup.. horrid. shall elaborate the details when i see u guys again.. haha ciaozz. blogger a bit lagging.. the words that i type dont appear immediately and arrgh. i think there's something wrong sersiously.. sucks.. outta here !

feeling slightly better

Today wasnt as bad as the few days, as in i woke up without the weird feeling in my stomach and most importantly my emotions are maybe.. under controlled. i still miss him very very much but luckily his sergents gave him 5 mins to use his hp and he did call me. i'm so glad coz i've sort of given up waiting for his call if the time passes 1030 coz that's their lights out time. Now i'm more worried for him if he can cope inside, all the strenuous exercise, all the early morning wake-ups and stuff, i really worry for him if he can take it. it really broke my heart yesterday when he told me stop crying coz he felt like crying also and that he asked me to pray for him. it seems like he has much more problems coping and adjusting to life in there more than i have problems adjusting to life without the late night talks with him.. at least for me, i still have my family and friends to hear me cry but for him? all he has is just himself to fend for. Now then did it daunt on me that i've been so selfish all this while. Wanting him to console me when he's feeling even worse than i do. :( I just felt that he had so much things and problems to complain to me about but the talking time for the both of us is limited. If we can manage a 10 mins or so, it would be considered a luxury. sigh.. I've decided to be strong for the sake of Aloy, to listen to his complains instead of he listening to my sobbings every night. I just cant wait for the 21st to come for his first book out. sigh alright gtg already. needa pack my stuff, gg over to sm's place already. bye peeps. take care and God bless

i miss u my darling

i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u very very very much. It's not as if you're not coming back coz it's just NS right? but at this very moment, i really miss the times we've spent together, the late night talks even u wishing me good morning or good night. but now all this have become things that i can only wish for and maybe for the next few months or so our daily regime wouldnt be there anymore.. but still aloy, i just want to tell u that i really miss u very much that my heart aches. i seriously dont know what i can do to make myself feel better, because i'm already trying my best to do it but i'm still far from succeeding. Let's just hope that the NIE orientation will keep me busy that i wouldnt feel like crying all the time. I will be strong and to all my friends out there who had bothered to call and ask how am i, Thanks but still i've to admit that i'm feeling very sad and nursing a very hurt and broken heart coz of this cruel separation, even just for 2 weeks. It's agonising :((((

i'm really ultra sad

Firstly, i must apologise to fishy that i called u that day and sobbed like mad and somemore u were using your hp to call me :X but i felt slightly better after that but i was really unwell. Today's worse. last night i couldnt even sleep.. my stomach felt so bloated and i felt ultra nauseous.. arggh couldnt get back to sleep until 3+ and i had to wake my mum up to ask her for some medicine. sigh.. sucks man.. Secondly i must apologise to tek kah that i ps u to go watch the NDP preview but i really felt too weak and sick to go out. Just want to catch up on my rest at home.. :((( so sorry girl.. Thirdly, i need to apologise to the girl whom i had agreed to rent my choco fountain to coz last min i backed out, too sick to travel all the way to kembangan to pass u. I think she wont even read my blog but still i want to apologise to her. arrgh. i'm like so paranoid now.. just now in the morning when i woke up i felt so weak then i went back to sleep again then during the midst of my rest, many ppl called my hp and everytime my phone rang i quickly jumped up hoping that it was aloy who had called, but apparently it was just my own wishful thinking. i kept calling him, hmmm ok maybe like thrice but his phone was off. i juct couldnt get him when i am feeling so weak and sick now.my phone's like stuck with me now 24/7 lest i miss any of his calls even when i'm in the toilet. peeps, it's this bad u see.. :(( yesterday at tekong was real bad, coz we dint even spend the time together. We were separated the moment we reached there and i hanged out with his sis and mum the whole afternoon together. sigh the goodbye part was the worse and everytime i think about it, i just feel like crying, even now.. i promised him that i wouldnt cry and that i really did try my best to suppress my emotions but it was really very very saddening. :`( on the ferry back to mainland singapore, i tried my best to hold back my tears and luckily jr called me to ask me about tuition stuff so my mind was away from it just for a while.. later on his brother came and picked us up from changi jetty and dropped me off at lavender. i have to admit, the moment i got off the car, i started crying like mad. it's like everything being wrapped up for so long that i finally managed to release my emotions.. i admit that i'm a crybaby and that i cried all the way from lavender to clementi. i was sobbing real hard and my nose was like so blocked, but i just couldnt care less. on 184, i still couldnt stop. i just sobbed and sobbed all the way home. when i was back my eyes were ultra swollen but i couldnt care less. luckily no one was home yet and i quickly went to bathe just in case he called. Thankfully he did call but we only managed a 2 mins and that he had to hang up already. lights out was at 11 and the time he called me was like at 1058 and he hadnt bathed. sigh.. i started crying when i heard his voice over the phone but i knew i had to stop it if not i would be wasting our time on the phone. it's like so many more days before he will book out and today's only the 1st day. sigh hopefully things would get better next week and that i would stop crying.. :(( Thank u peeps out there who tagged me to ask me to be strong. i've tried and will continue trying. I love u guys.

i got a heavy heart

OK. that's it. No more crying and heartaches because all of those i had already done and there's this numbness in me. aloy's enlisting later and no matter how much i hate to admit it or even hating that time had passed so quickly, i've got no choice. Seriously after crying for like two days straight, i wonder if i had no more tears.. sigh.. it's quite bad. the feeling is like as though i watched an ultra sad korean movie that i'll really cry my heart out. i have to admit that i'm really not a strong person. No matter how hard i tried to hide my emotions, the tears still came out and when i tried to control it, the worse it got. yesterday aloy wrote my a letter and the letter sort of comforted me, but still i cried after reading it. sigh.. the atmosphere in the house is like very tense now coz everyone knows that aloy wont be back for another 2 weeks. for some it may be like only 14 days but for someone in a relationship, it's actually quite a long time coz anyone who is in a relationship, wouldnt want any separation from the one they love and so do i. But anyway, i thought it through when i was bathing yesterday and sort of "xiang kai le" there's nothing i can do to stop him from enlisting or whatsoever, so maybe i should go with an open heart and that life will still carry on. No one would care that my heart is aching or what so why should i torture myself? anyways this is not a separation but a time for us to grow in our own independent ways. Maybe this is the time for me to spend more time with my family and friends and even with myself and GOD. This is the time when i commit all i have to GOD and let him plan my way. It may sound absurb to non-believers but indeed, everything is much easier and the load is lighter when we commit all our burden to the Lord. So now, even though i still feeling a little upset that aloy's gg into army already, i'm a little looking forward to the next 2 weeks that i will spend with GOD, family, friends and myself. Hope that this 2 weeks would be a time for me to mould my character when he's away and that when the 2 weeks' up i would be ready as a new and better person to pick him up from pasir ris.. Just keep your fingers crossed that i wouldnt cry and paisey myself later when i'm at tekong.. arrgh keep me in your prayers okie? take care peeps

darling's enlisting tmr :(

oh man.. the dreadful 070706 is here tmr.. seriously though i've known about it for so long, i'm not yet prepared for it.. sigh :( i dont know how i'm gg to cope.. seriously then everything about NIE is like so complicated and.. sigh i dont know la. i'm just have to be strong when aloy's in army.. will blog again about our last few days together when i'm feeling better. and the liu geng hong's song is making me feel even worse. arrgh outta here. take care peeps¬

Praise God

Something very inspiring for me.. Read it and hope u guys get something out of it too :)

P.S Read it with an open heart and mind

This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren , "Purpose Driven Life " author and pastor of Saddleback Church inCalifornia .In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to lastforever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dressrehearsal.God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure thatout, life isn't going to make sense.Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don'tbelieve that anymore.Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you havesomething good and something bad in your life.No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain."But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easyfor her.It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her atestimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. Forinstance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your ownego or for you to live a life of ease.So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages thathelped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for thesick, and educate the next generation.Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It wasliberating to be able to serve God for free.We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You moreand love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we'recalled human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.