sinking into depression again??

oh no.. bad news.. i think i'm gg to sink into depression again? i dont know leh.. just now went to had meeting with TT for sept tuition camp thingy and QUEEN and she was asked me where i was so when i told her i was having meeting but she thought i was attending some church activities and started yelling.. haiz.. how sia why izit lidat.. i dont know why she is so anti-christ? what can i do to convince her?? i feel so lost now.. AGAIN. and i hate this kind of feelings.. how :~( went to church service a couple of times but only last sun i really felt very touched till i wanted to cry but.. if QUEEN doesnt approve of it i'll never going to do.. it's very easy to say that to accept and tell her later but difficult to do.. u will seriously wont understand because u are not the one doing it.. isnt it? haiz i dont know la.. many times i had the urge to raise my hand when the pastor ask, but i know i have to face the music when i come home since the QUEEN is sooooo anti-christ.. haiz and i dont want to do that.. i've done that for all my life and this time i want her approval then can i do it in peace. or wait till i'm 21? but what aloy said is true.. i'm 19 already and should be making personal decisions myself.. but.. but.. i think she'll disown me.. other ppl say disown maybe like joking lidat.. but QUEEN means business.. she'll make my life hell.. haiz dont know la. i should stop talking about depressing stuff. today morning i went for econs lect and it wasnt that bad.. after school actually wanted to go jogging with vivien but it just had to rain.. so we ate lunch in school then shop arnd west mall for christina's present, then in the end still decided to go jog. haha not bad we did 2.4km okie.. wanted to look out for eye candy but what we had was some ah peks and steamed chicken guys.. super fair and still run half naked... -_-'' i was like sooooooOOOOOOOOOo disappointed.. lolz at night went to meet TT and we had a small talk la.. really enjoyed it.. :)) i finally said my piece.. hahaha but not him la.. lolz.. oh yeah before i end off wanna share this christian song which really touched my heart.. *clear throat*
"You laid aside Your Majesty..
Gave up everything for me..
Suffered at the hands of those You had created..
You took all my guilt and shame..
When You died and rose again..
Now today You reign..
In heaven and earth exalted..
I really want to worship You my Lord..
You have won my heart..
And i am Yours for ever and ever..
I will love You..
You are the only one who died for me..
Gave Your life to set me free..
So i lift my voice to You in adoration."
oh my.. i really love this song.. if got chance ask me to sing to u okie.. hahahahaha ok la gg to end off here ler.. tra la la.. :))