:? life is getting worse?

oh my.. so early i'm home already.. supposed to do some revision for IBM tmr but i just had to come online and blog..tsk..tsk.. just now before i came home i went the bank to do fund transfer to another ebay seller and when i wanted to come online to reply her email? guess what? i've deleted the person's contact and couldnt contact her? how nice.. i was so panic lor.. damn can u imagine paying $9 and not getting anything? ok la 9 bucks to me maybe not a lot but HELLO?! it's still money right?yah la.. i think this few days i'm really pissing mr tan off lor.. kept having evil thoughts.. haiz that day on msn i was like a bitch but i was really.. disappointed.. i dont with him or myself.. maybe both but after talking to fishy i'm ok already la.. she sort of "kai1 dao3" me lor.. haiz but today that feeling came back again.. i was attending socio lect and of all things the lecturer must talk about suicide.. and suddenly i had this very strong feeling to commit suicide.. i want to know what it is like to be on the other side of the world.. izit really true that devoted christians go to heaven? not as if i'm a christian but i could check it out? haha dont know leh.. i know i should stop having such ridiculous and just focus on my studies stop thinking so much but how can i ? usually ppl commit suicide because they are suffering from depression. maybe i'm too u know.. i keep having extreme mood swings.. WTH? i dont want to bother aloysius but i just cant help it la.. when we're smsing each other i will bring in this topic and i feel that i'm pissing him off. haiz but what can i do? what can i do? i'm really lost.. haiz tmr gg to watch TIM SUM DOLLIES cuz my sis got cheap tics at $4.. haiz hope it would turn out good. Sat gg for hockey training hope it would be good too.. keep ya fingers or maybe.. pray for me. yep thanks peeps :)