Back again-- for bad

Here I am again, gonna vent my anger, frustration, brokenness, disappointment! Everything negative. I can't believe u actually blamed me for nt booking the hotels/chalet early to celebrate our 5th anniversary?! If it's truly my fault, I apologize.. Bt I knew tt for our anniversary I'm even more excited than you are, to mark this milestone in our lives.. I can't believe tt you actually said I didn't tell u earlier. You were the one who said that you didn't have the money and didn't really want to organise anything special for it and now it's my fault? God! The BBQ was specially organized for u coz u said u missed BBQ food and now you're telling me tt u can't cme coz u have to go hiking? Am I asking too much from you or izit that you can't really be bothered to do anything for us anymore? Sometimes I really wished tt u wld read all these by chance and give me all the answers I am looking for.. You were the one who said tt u wld treasure the annual anniversaries and I just cant believe tt u asked me if we were still celebrating?! I hate to say this, but I thought I heard a sense of relief when you asked me tt, hoping tt I would say "yes" let's just not meet and celebrate.. Maybe to u, all this is nothing? I've always been the joke? Or is it that I'm just not worth you of all the efforts... ...