integration SUCKS!

i'm damn pissed now. (go read sm's blog be u read mine) damn it lor.. i'm not trying to say that it's her fault that the two bbqs are on the same day.. just that I CANT MAKE ANY SENSE OF HER WANTING TO GO TO A BBQ THAT ALL THE PPL THERE ARE THOSE SHE HATES? Fuck lor.. wtf and now she's like trying to put all the blame on me? DAMN! that day she said she wanted to talk to me and i ignored her? HELL WITH HER.. be4 that should i tell u what happened? i was already pissed with her for not coming for our BBQ and then she made me wait 20 mins for her to come to go tuition together.. WTF? ok la although i'm the one usually late but is she arrive early lor.. how u expect me to smile at her after all this shit had happened? i dont even want to see her.. ok damn now the BBq is cancelled and i dunnoe how think we going to seoul garden for lunch... sucks all this just sucks.. i dunnoe my life's turning upside down..damn... yeah whatever.. i'm just pissed at her THAT'S it.. i give no bloody damn bout it lor.. and today i was so so so so heartbroken.. we took the same bus de and supposedly if no other jjcians going to board the bus who happens to be my friend or HIS we would have walked to school together but.. haiz unexpectedly HIS friend boarded the bus and well.. he just smiled at me and i gave a bloody look.. sucks.. all this just suck..what's wrong with me man? i dunnoe also.. after school saw HIM going home alone.. ( MY BEST CHANCE) but.. i was going studying with caleb so lost another chance... haiz :~( i really want to cry man.. why? why is everything going wrong? parents not willing to pay for my tuition fees FUCK! then cant do any bloody integration, love of my life is becoming SHIT of my life... feel like ending my life.. maybe only death can solve everything but i cant bear to leave those who i love.. FUCK