i'm so upset :(

sad..sad..sad.. so sad and disappointed with myself.. WHY? why must i be plagued by this fever bug? i cant go anywhere.. have to stay at home and worse of all.. cant spend time with Dearie.. i'm feeling really upset. shit. just came back from the doc again.. i've been there 4 times already for the past week.. arrgh and the freaking fever just wont subside.. just now at the doc my fever hit the highest dot 38.9 WOO HOO! and i was like shivering the clinic but now back home i'm fine already leh.. i want to get well.. really! i stayed at home the whole of today hoping to have more rest so tmr can go out but in the end? still the same! then at least i should have gone out today so that arrgh.. i dont know also la.. i think everyone's sick and tired of me telling them that i'm still having fever and boring everyone with my long grandmother stories. my plans for tmr and fri all thwarted! !@#%^*%$ i'm really upset now. serious. why cant we be like other couples go out watch movie, shop, eat,chill and spend time together?? all i can do is rest at home and u come over visit me for a few hours. this is not the courtship both of us wanted right? haiz i dont know.. :X i dont know if u have made the right choice choosing to be with me coz i dont know if i can be the girlfriend that u want and it's like ever since we got together we never really go chill le.. maybe partly coz of my fever la.. but haiz.. whatever it is i just hope that all this shit will be over soon.. i'm very sick of fighting this fever and i'm sure u are sick of me telling u all the shit i have to go through also.. fri would be the lst month we are together ler.. supposedly going out to have celebration but now the situation looks gloomy and this is B-A-D. real bad. i dont want to think about it ler.. i want to cry! arrgh i'm so disappointed with myself. damns. is this retribution? let me think about it. -_-''