what are u trying to show?

i dont know what HE's thinking.. seriously. i feel lost... he keeps telling me to concentrate on my studies.. only 2 possibilities. 1. he thinks i'm attached and hope i wont spend so much time with my so called bf (he's jealous) 2. he's just concerned. As much as i hope HE is thinking of option one, i dont think so... yesterday i saw him in school again tot he was going home. if i'm not wrong i think he was talking to me asking me something but i kept saying byebye to him... weird me. ok whatever.. i tot i would see him at the bus stop but my hopes were dashed. he sent me a few weird messages yesterday that kept me thinking bout them. here it goes "everyone i have met has some influence in my life. i realised that beneath the sack of unhappiness situation,i realised how beautiful life is. So, at times the best ans to things may be jus to observe it longer.N dun b angry if it did not go ur way for everything would hav a reason for it to happen." what did he meant bout this?? i dont understand!!!!:( it was only when i told him that it was drizzling then he sent me this msg " u know i hav always like a small drizzle. the rain give me isolation but yet the idea of not being lonely.. Besides it cools me down =)" when i read this msg i replied him that i learn something new about him and he just told me to concentrate on my studies... SHucKs. i got a bad feeling that he knows that i like him? shit. better not be. actually the previous entry i said i've forgottne bout him but i think it's not true la. i can't. it's too hard for me to let go. everytime i see him in school i'll just go gaga.. cant! shit. someone teach me how to forget a person. :( prelims coming. i haven start revision. congratulate me. great. fri got CA test need to go study liao. bye.

heya~

yesterday i went on a so called date with aloy.. and hmmm... quite fun. :) we went shopping at heeren for bracelet cuz he wants it (how vain):) he better not read this.. yah la whatever and when we were looking at bracelets, a few times i actually helped him to put on the bracelet cuz he couldn't do it himself.. it was really a nice feeling like u know helping your boyfriend to try out stuff.. but yah la i know we wont even be together.. yah so.. we walked around in heeren and guess what? i saw bloody prince of eye bags with his bloody gf holding hands trying to look very loving.. pls.. get the hell out of my sight lor.. i cant stand it.. trying to act couple.. sucks.just sucks. yah so after that we actually intended to go eat sakae sushi de but think a bit too ex so we end up eating at far east instead.. he brought me to eat hor fun which was like ok only and he kept saying that it's nice.. weird. whatever la.. he had to go for a haircut after that so we were like kind of rush.. hmmm.. so sad if not we could have gossiped more.. think yesterday was once i spoke the most to him.. haha yah after that think he was still early so he walked me to taka to buy donuts for my greedy sis and i think it's really nice of him la.. it's quite a distance from taka the food court there to far east and he dint say anything like dont want to go there or what.. for that he deserves another star * hahaha.. yeah i had an enjoyable time yesterday..(though we met bags) :P today.. went to school for college day.. sian but ok la hope i'll get a few cip hours.. haha i very bad right.. yah anyway saw HIM but dint feel anything.. actually i loathe the sight of him.. maybe is bcuz of that time embarrassed myself in front of him then i dont want to see him anymore... think i very bad but who cares anyway.. for that.. i think i've already forgotten bout him liao.. as in dont like him already lor... i think that's good la.. cuz i think i like him until i very xing ku. so near yet so far.. not a good feeling. perhaps i'll be better off without him? who knows man? let time tell. i better start mugging for the prelims liao.. though i know i'll still suck at it.for the previous test TT actually scored better than me.. i was actually mad at him coz i thought that he dint deserve to do better than me when i actually handed in my tutorials that i completed MYSELF. for once. hahaha.. yah la anyway that's bout all le la.. hope i'll dream of aloy and bryan tonight.. muack*

sucks

ok.fuck.yesterday was the shittiest day of my life.. what can be embarrassing than to embarrass yourself in front of the guy u like? damn i was like wanting to kill myself.. i was running to the toilet leh.. so fast that i slipped and fell right onto the floor.. kaoz.. it was really super duper paisey.. kaoz and now my knee hurts. ok. whatever. just dont feel like seeing him anymore.. but seriously come to think of it, i think the more i dont see him the more i dont like him already.. heez~ or maybe i should say i think i gotta crush on someone else.. haha and the person is... -drum rolls- Bryan! and guess what? he's from new town and one year younger than us.. yes. u and me.. jie di lian... :P haha woa lao he's super duper cute lor.. especially after his softball trainings his face red red de.. wah.. i see already can melt sia.. very cute. yah la come one it's just a crush and i cant foresee us being together. ha! (as if we would. he dont even know me) lolz. :P yah la but he's just super cute. last time in new town i dont think i ever see him be4 haiz.. if got then maybe i would have gotten to make friends with him.. hehe yah anyway this few days i've been feeling quite FUCked up with SM. i dont know what's wrong with the both of us. keep getting into quarrels. it's been lidat ever since the starting of this year. i keep getting pissed by her. and the fuckiest shit is that i think she doesn't regard me as impt as he best friend AH MENG! damn. whatever la say i'm jealous or what i dont give a damn. she asked her out to watch brotherhood. blah blah blah.. forgetting bout me. damn. maybe in her heart i'm just no one. seriously speaking, i don't really like ah meng coz i think that she don't really like me either. i dont make friends with ppl who dont make friends with me... that time go visit elizabeth in the hospital she already show that she a bit bu shuang me la but maybe partly is coz of what sm complains to her about me? yah la i dont really give a shit. this friendship is encountering many problems and i'm quite sick of having to keep up with her mood swings and stuff. maybe we have held on for too long and it's time to let go? yah la i dont know. tmr i meeting aloy to pass him his stuff then we going for dinner. hope it'll be enjoyable. ciaoz~ :

i dont wanna live anymore

today just sucked for me. i had my nmr test and i felt so damn bloody stressed. i dont feel like living anymore. everything's going wrong for me. i'm flunking my tests(including today's i guess) suck. i dont think i can make it for the As. so damn stressed. sm say this is the route i've chosen so i just have to make the best out of it but i cant. i feel sucked off my soul. my everything. i have no time for anything except to study.what the hell. and to make things worse. just now when i took 176 home and when i was boarding the bus some fucking guy in front of me actually elbowed my face. fuck. and he dint even apologose. just treat as if nothing happen. what the hell. today's real shitty. everyone thought i was something wrong and i was la k.. i've got attitude problem. checked out TT's new T630 like not very user friendly.. maybe i should continue waiting for my dream phone but if i die then dont need to wait liao. great.

Meet the BITCH session

maybe to the others it's the meet the parents session but for me.. it's the meet the BITCH session.. haiz the day i've not been looking forward has finally arrived.. at first i thought is only my dad going but i think he dragged the bitch along or she wanted to go complain la.. so they both went and meet all my teachers.. gosh for the first time in my life i really felt like dying leh.. so pressured by them for the need to do well.. and yah AK tried to crack some weird jokes but i guess the both of them weren't too amused.. ha. whatever.. subsequently they meet up with my chem chinese math tutors yah that bloody bitch actually asked all my tutors to give me extra work.. damn her lor.. as if my hw can finish lidat.. and the worse fucking shit is that she actually went to find the principal to complain bout me joining interhouse and stuff.. bloody. yah la whatever.. and guess what? i saw HIM in school with his mum... haha maybe will become my future mother-in law? hahaha (come on la it's just my wishful thinking) but i still hope that it can come true.. :P at the time i most dont feel like bumping into him.. i did.. and also... today we had badminton interhouse and i won.. haha so happy.. k la i want to go watch tv liao... ciao think i'll study hard and do my nmr stuff later.. hehe muack*

youth DaE~

heyz.. today's holiday for all youths... hehe maybe except the poly students.. well, actually today i should stay at home to study de but.. haiz AK dated the whole class out to watch SPIDEY!! oh my gosh.. the movie was awesome! very nice.. but i still prefer spidey 1.. yeah whatever.. so we went to cine to watch and after that AK act floor head snake brought us to some killiney kopitiam for toast and tea and there got one sucky waiter with some stupid attitude problem.. kaoz.. then AK ended up gossiping with us and commenting bout his attitude.. and for the first time i dint felt that he was the teacher cuz he managed to merge with us quite well.. yeah after that TT wanted to go centrepoint read mag.. (like got so much time) so the whole group of us went along.. and guess what? AK told us a big secret.. haha think i was laughing like a mad woman when he told us that.. when he was young he dreamed of becoming spider man and he went to school to catch a big spider.. and he actually extracted the spider's blood ( he said it was neon blue in colour) and transferred it into his veins on his arm and he just laid there waiting for something to happen.. and all he got was a small bum.. hahaha dumb izit it? i dunnoe whether what he said was true not cuz when i told sm she said maybe he was lying.. but who cares la? i mean i'm really shocked to find that he's actually this kind of person leh.. in my view he's those serious type of teacher but after today.. gosh i actually find him childish? or childlike (this is what he said).. till now.. he's still into transformers leh.. the toy BOYS played with and he actually harbour thoughts of becoming spider man? hahaha so after he told us that we were like all teasing him and stuff la.. can u imagine your civics tutor ( A GUY) is actually into doreamon? hahahahaha yah la whatever.. this sat is the MTPS.. wonder what he'll say.. (your daughter keep teasing me and dont respect me by calling me "ah de")hahahaha think i'll die a horrible death with a excellent result of C F F.. haha dunnoe i tuition also tuition until so shitty results... oh btw i think i dint mention in front that AK was the one who suggested that we go look at TOYS!!!! gosh.. my opinion of him has totally changed.. :| dunnoe for good or bad.. but the seriousness i've always held for him i think... Gone with the wind.. yah so after viewing the toys i took 171 home and i felt that i boarded into a live scene of french kissing.. kaoz.. one couple i think around my age was somewhere near me and the both of them were like french kissing there.. ON A CROWDED BUS! how sick can it be.. i could even see their tongue in each other's mouth ( that's how close i was to them and how gross) kaoz.. they want to kiss go home and kiss la why on the bus.. but i think only me and my friend saw .the rest like COCK-eye leh.. sucks man.. one more even disgusting scene was the guy was holding onto a cup of drink so he fed the girl with it and he took a sip then after that? French kiss again.. woa lao .. i dint mean to see la but kaoz just right in front of me.. AND THE GUY SQUEEZED THE GIRL'S BUTT.. i think they felt like fucking on the bus but too bad not enough space..hahaha so sick la they all... yah but i had an enjoyable day today.. how i wished time hadn't passed so fast.. but... i believe now and i think that it's true that when you're busy with something u won't have time to miss the GUY u like... so hope i can keep myself busy always so i won't have to miss him anymore.. ;)i dont wish to like him anymore and make myself miserable.. ( talk easy action hard) :) ciaoz!

Squash~

heya.. so long nv blog ler.. hehe no time.. everyday go school super sianz. yep later i'll be going to school to take part in the interhouse squash tournament.. WOOHOO! hope i'll get to clear my rounds and not end up like last time... anyway.. yesterday we went to play badminton to get ourselves warmed up for the badminton interhouse.. so excited and i was appalled that actually a few j1 guys were so enthu bout it that they joined us to play.. haha we played till 6 lidat then went home liao.. whole body aching yest but i dont feel anything today.. haha sporty mah me.. lolz.. yah so monday AK gonna bring the whole class out to watch SPIDER MAN 2.. i'm so excited.. can see my ex-husband in action.. haha after that dunnoe whether i should join my classmates for another movie or should i meet up with aloy for a date.. haha if that's what he calls it.. yah la whatever.. i'm always sandwhiched b/tw him and my friends.. yawnz cant be bothered.. aiyoh 10 liao.. i better go get ready for later.. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz missed him as usual and i dint get to see him in school at all this whole bloody week.. i just cant believe it lor.. he signed up for squash but dint go?! haiz.. so disappointed. maybe he's trying to avoid me? great. oh another thing.. TT dint make it to the third audition for singapore idol.. the judges said that he sounded like he was selling durians.. haha actually i'm a bit sick of him not doing his work and keep wanting to copy from me?! haiz.. dunnoe la. so sick of everything and flu is back AGAIN! buaiz`