i've lost it.. again

I've lost my temper again today for no reason. And i'm terribly sorry about it. i hate to see the face of yours when u are so frustrating and have no way to calm me down or to console me and just keep saying 'woalao ey' it is very hurtful to my ears. today was supposed to me like a normal sat where we go catch a movie together or just hang out but it just had to turn ugly in the end.. :( alright, it was just me. i cant remember the last time i posted something sad about but i'm going to start in this post. shucks man :( for some of you may know, nie results are out and i DIDNT GET TO CROSS OVER. i think that was the saddest point in my life when i knew about it and i just cried in the middle of orchard road. i remember it clearly. in front of orchard swensens, beside paragon. there was where i stopped walking and tears started to flow out. i wanted a cross over from the beginning of my studies in nie 2 years back, and 2 years flew past just like that and the truth is out. i worked hard in nie, i gave my best, did all i could, but this just showed me something. they didnt want what i had. is that a good or a bad thing? i admit that at one point of time, i did blame God for not blessing me with a cross over, something that i've constantly prayed about for the past 2 years. Also for flunking my driving tests. Have i not been holy enough to read the word everyday? Is that why God didnt give me what i had asked for? I've reached the bottom of the pit already. I dont know what else to ask for now. something that i've asked and wished that would happen, both i was disappointed in. Today is also the first time after so long, that i hid in the toilet and cried. i really felt very weak. not knowing what can i expect anymore and what would happen when i start teaching. the time spent with him would obviously be lesser, especially when he starts school in Aug. not to mention now when i'm having my holis, he is working. i'm just praying hard that everything will go on smoothly. i know that it is mentioned in the bible that when God closes one door, he will open another window, so this got me thinking, if God hadnt wanted a cross over for me, no matter how much i cried or wished i had gotten one, i still wouldnt have gotten it. Now i've got 2 choices placed in front of me.
1. Sign up for part time unisim.
2. Finish my bond, get my 10k and start a business.
Both a paths waiting for me to walk and for now, i'm not so sure which one do i want or should i say God wants for me. If i were to sign up for unisim, time spent together would further be reduced, but i need to sacrifice some things for others. I'm not very sure if i can cope studying whilst working.
If i were to finish my bond and get my 10k, do i use the money for marriage or business?i really dont know what to do now. kind of feel that i am at the crossroads, not knowing where to go. should i just not think so much and go with the flow? But what's the flow? i dont know. feeling very frustrating and disappointed with myself right now, but i'm sure i will bounce back in a few days back. dont worry :)