messy!

Arrgh finally managed to log in into blogger.. apparently my high crass laptop is virus-fied.. maybe from too much edison-ing.. lol needa invest in a good anti virus software.. yup anyways my main point in wanting to blog now, today is after reading all my cell group mates' testimonies on the way they view BGR. i really thank GOD for them and their readiness to share with me openly.. after reading what they had to say, i suddenly felt that actually so many of them wanted to step into a relationship, but instead of doing what they want, they want to do what GOD wants for them, so they held back and chose to remain single till GOD plans for them the man of their life.. after reading so much, i just felt an overwhelming of emotions. i dont know if what i'm doing now, all these are part of GOD's will? i know it's stupid and a tad too late to talk about all this but i'm really confused at times.. in my heart i know i love aloysius dearly and would certainly want to spend the rest of my life with him ( although sometimes i still feel like killing him) but i do want to admit that sometimes our relationship gets into the first place, instead of placing GOD first. i've got thousand and one examples to illustrate, some even i forget about them already but one very apt one is probably my commitment with YA. actually, it cannot even be considered a commitment since i only went down ONCE. oh man can u believe it? i just didnt feel committed to going down coz i didnt want to sacrifice my time-out with aloy for those kids there. i'm already having my tuition twice a week and if i go down one more day ( ON A SAT!!!!!) i'll be like #@#^$%*#$.. so that's why till now i'm still procrastinating whether or not to go for it.. i've talked to aloy about it and even suggested that the both of us go down together for YA since he is like nua-ing with the scouts and he wanted to consider about it.. i hope it wont take too long till the cows come home or what.. haha i've never ignore this issue and it has certainly been on my mind all this while. i guess the answer is simple. whether or not i'm willing to sacrifice my will for GOD's will. sometimes we need to make this sacrifice for GOD. i've got one question in mind now. How do we know if the partner we have now is the one GOD wanted for us? Or how do we even know if GOD wants us to be single for the rest of my life? i remembered pastor kwong saying about BGR stuff and he said it's ok to be single for GOD's sake and i look at my cell group, among all the girls i think i'm the only one who is attached and I AM NOT DOING GOD's WORK. oh man but in order to do GOD's work, do i have to sacrifice my relationship with aloy? i really feel very lost.. sigh but i'm proud of my cell mates who have the courage to share with us. i definitely dont know HOW to share with them about aloy or even from where to start? Share WHAT????? oh man this is soooooo bad.. arrgh
nvm next week would be the official start of my practicum, gg to be really busy with writing lesson plan and stuff like that, really hope that i can arrange for a solitude session with GOD this coming sat, like what i had planned earlier on that during this practicum he will allow me to grow closer to him and to rely on him in every area. i thank GOD for GOD. if not for Jesus i think i would have been like poo poo all my life, not knowing to turn to who when the whole world turns against me. Thank GOD for God.