damn u aloysius

i think that it is indeed true that the longer you spend your life with a person, the more you'll be able to see the person's true colours.. and even more so when two of you are together as a couple. more than once did i mention the word breakup, but not once we did breakup. i think i am the coward, the one afraid of taking the step towards singlehood. because i dont know what to expect. who i can rely on once we are really separated. after being with you for 2 yrs odd, we've spend most of this time together, so much so that i've not watched any movie with my gfs for 1 yr or so.. not even meeting up with them. all my time and effort, even money i've thrown in for our relationship, seems to be gg into waste. we are just too strong headed for each other i must admit. you a leo, me a scorpio. i know it's dumb to use horoscope as a basis for analysis but i really cant think of another better reason why we are behaving like this. it just sucks. many a times we quarrel, i'm very tempted to hurl abuses at you, but i've always held back. it maybe true that you give in to me many times or let me have my way but i've given in to u ( or maybe you just insisted your way so much that no matter what i said doesnt matter anymore) for a reasonable number of times as well. i hate to be self-centred in this relationship but if i dont i will be hurt. things i do are always for u but things u do are mostly for yourself. i know you're gg to say you dint ask me to do the things for u but we are a COUPLE, mind you. if either party only bothers to do things for him/herself, what's the point? i think they are better off as friends. isnt it? quarrels and quarrels are keeping us real busy in this relationship. you once said, we can quarrel but not to the extent to breaking up and today you told me, i always ask to break up but i dont mean it but if one day u ask to break up, you'll mean it then FINE. let's just go on separate ways. the only thing that is holding me back is probably the lonely life i'll have after the break up ok. i tell u frankly. not that i cant live without you, but i'm just not willing to go everywhere on my own and doing stuff on my own. i need someone constantly there for me, but now i'm not sure if you are the one anymore. i'm so sick of us quarrelling and argueing every other day. you can pretend nothing happen after we quarrelled but sorry i cant. and you told me to go find my inspiration?! hello how to? i realise that we are quarrelling but i dont know how to walk away feeling as though nothing happen because i'm a girl. precisely.
i cant pretend that i dont care for u when i care so much for u.
i cant pretend that i'm not angry with u when i'm boiling inside.
i cant pretend to be magnanimous when i'm dying of jealously inside.
i cant pretend to forgive u when i'm still holding grudges against you.
i cant pretend.. why cant i be just who i am. if you dont love me for who i am, then why are we still together? if i cant show you exactly how i feel, then y should we still be together? i'm just forcing myself to be someone i am not... i thought love is supposed to be sweet and to love the other party just like he/she is.. but it's all different from what i had perceived it to be..
so izit finally over? you tell me. i have no idea whatsoever for us anymore. think some ppl will be very happy that we are finally breaking up. whatever.