:/

Feel that my heart is weighing me down.. Today's Wed which means no school day but i feel so weighed down dont know about what also.. haiz.. this morning, Pei Hwa Pri called me up to do relief teaching and today they wanted me down.. it has always been my Dream to go there to teach coz i know a few little kiddies there from Kumon how i miss them.. but i dint go down coz of YOU. yes YOU. again. by this time u should know very well who u are.. maybe u will think that u dint ask me to go down today and it's that i myself want to go see you.. yah la when i heard that you were sick i had this sick feeling in my stomach.. haha felt like puking also.. :P somemore u told me u feeling giddy and want puke cannot puke.. i've gone through that and i know how sick it feels lor.. so yep yep this time i'm using my heart not my mind to think ler.. so i made up my mind to reject Pei Hwa when the lady called me.. haiz hope this hasnt been a wrong decision coz can u imagine the amount of $$$$$$$$$$ i can earn when i go down? haha until next tues lor.. it's like 5 days X $65 = $325 ka ching! ka CHing! $_$ haha after i've calculated a bit regretful now.. but it's ok la.. to me, you are more important.. heh.. money only mah, can always earn them again right? hehe.. :) yesterday i slacked the whole day.. sucks.. i blogged saying that i wanted to go revise econs and i dint.. this morning also.. woke up and practised the piano for one and a half hour then slacked.watch tv, come online.. i know i shouldnt be doing all this but somehow i cant help it leh.. no motivation to study.. all my NTU peeps are busy with projects when it's their holiday.. so sian also.. OK i make up my mind liao.. tonight i must surely MUG. I must, I HAVE TO! argh.. but my heart is not there la.. everytime i'm reading the notes i feel that i'm just reading the english sentence and not really understanding the meaning i'm supposed to understand. damns ashamed to say, when reading the bible also! yesterday was still quite ok.. the day before was terrible.. and i even had to close it halfway to prepare my heart for GOD. how sinful can i be. *slap myself* haiz sometimes i worry if i'm suffering from amnesia or what lei.. i keep forgetting stuff leh.. simple stuff like taking what bus to valley point i can also keep forgetting.. not say i'm doing it on purpose but i really cannot remember.. yesterday also.. i took out a shirt from the cupboard wanting to change into it.. then suddenly i forgot where i put it ler.. End up i dint even take it out from the cupboard?! oh man.. is this some kind of symptoms? haiz not once liao lor.. but repetitive incidents. and it really sp00ks me.. izit coz i havent been paying much attention when i'm doing that thing that's why i seem so distracted or izit Illness? haiz.. dont know la.. tonight meeting JAs to get my durian mooncakes! SLURRpz.. greedy me.. lolz.. today is indeed rest day for me.. had been exercising for the past few days and my leg muscles are aching.. haha dont know why leh.. quite weird but thurs going to jog with vivien again.. Now, i'm troubled by something. SM wants to go for tornadoes hockey club training on SUn. but Sun usually i go for service.. but if she goes for training on Sun this would mean that no one would accompany me to training on SAt and i'll be the only GIRL there.. i dont want that.. so actually i've come up with a plan. maybe TT u should take over my P5 class on Sat then i can go service with JR until 7 then i rush down for tuition?? how? this is what i think only.. nothing's been confirmed yet. actually i would prefer to go down for training on SAt but come to think of it.. it seems like the weather likes to rain on SAt afternoon then SUn morning the weather is always Good. :) how? Aloysius said that i should put GOD in priority. Yes but if i go for service on Sat i'm also doing it right? Or am i not.. and i shouldnt go find another church to attend if not i'll be church-hopping.. but coz FCBC gonna move to EXpO in december.. haiz i enjoy listening to the Pastors Preaching but the fact that i have to travel so far.. it's not worth the time.. at least this is what i feel.. haiz dont know la.. so many things waiting for me to make decisions and so little memory for me to tap on. what the heck. :(