i hate my life.

been quite a while since i last blogged.. haiz and so muchie have happened.. finally i've received my final judgement.. i'm gg to SIM. That's it. but apparently that woman at home just dont want to accept the fact and insist that i enrol for the dip in teaching.. haiz.. what's the prob la.. haiz i'm so sick and tired of arguing with them what i want and what is GOOD for me.. what the heck.. i'm jobless now and damn damn broke. i help hui pay for 45 pounds and sm $45 for her SD card. how great. and all my previous employers just refuses to pay me back..(My PAY LA! DAMNIT) my bank account is depleting at an alarming rate.. my goodness.. haha but anyways that's not the main point.. yep yep.. today i went for Aloy's church service.. though it's EARLY in the morning but i felt much more comfortable then the time i went for JR's de.. dunnoe but not much jumping la.. then i got to talk to his cell leader for quite a while.. which i find that it's not bad.. maybe can ask sm and fishy along next time if i wanna go again.. maybe what aloysius said is true that you'll need to go more often to be familiar with the practice.. and seriously it is not easy to become a christian.. 1stly, i've got a woman at home who is always here to BLAST at me. 2ndly, i admit i lack the commitment to go to church every sunday and read the bible everyday.. 3rdly, i still kind of live by sight and not faith.. in one of the songs they sang during service is that " i live by faith and not sight" but i dont think i can do so yet.. aiyah it takes time lor.. yep yep but seriously i think nowadays ppl are so busy and caught up with their own stuff and attending something that makes u grow mature spiritually is like quite hard? i dont know la.. but if u ask someone would they rather go church or movie? if both are FOC i bet it's the latter lor.. but yah la.. just let nature takes its course.. i also dont want to force anything now.. just let things stay the way they are. I'm loving it! haha haiz.. oh yeah.. Hui if you're reading this.. your timetable u try to arrange same as mine okie? wed no school! haha then we can go chill out or exercise hor.. i made a new friend at SIM.. haha she's as crazy as me (thank God!) lolz.. i'm not so lonely afterall.. haha i've not been able to sleep well this few days.. dunnoe why also cant sleep that's why it's 1am liao but i'm still here.. damn what's wrong..also, i still love hockey so i'm gg to join SRC's hockey dont care what the woman says.. it's my passion :) even at the expense of my grades.. at least i'm doing something i like.. not say get a degree will ensure a better life.. my uncles are only sec 4 educated but they are like bloody rich.. so as long they are willing to slog to achieve..i would too if i put my passion in it ok! aloysius stop laughing when u are reading this okie. i'm serious.. i'm starting a cafe! lolz.. k la think i wrote enough already. must go watch movie when i come back from m'sia okie? Ciaoz take care Peeps miss ya~ /inital D/

end of the world

i think what aloy said about the end of the world is coming is TRUE.. maybe not for others but definitely for me. damn.. so many things happened recently and i'm not on track to settle all at once.. haiz.. my nus and smu application got rejected and now still waiting for the bloody ntu to reply me.. i was really feeling very down recently.. though i may not show it on the outside but seriously, inside me.. my heart is really broken.shattered. did i not work hard enough to earn myself a place in the university? but my grades this time were the best i had since i started JC.. so? what can i ask for more? maybe except my GP la.. but my maths is really gone case already lor.. haiz :'( i was really feeling very very very sad when i heard all my other friends looking forward to their uni life and which course they had to choose. but for me? I'VE GOT NOTHING TO CHOOSE FROM!!!!!!!!! haiz.. ok la SIM may have accepted me but so what? that's not the kind of uni life i was looking forward to when i made my choice to enter JC. rights? but again am i the cause of this whole shit? i think so.. and the worse thing.. the adverse support my mum has given me makes me feel that the whole world is crumpling down on me. she expects me to go work at some voluntary work and that i dont get paid?! WTF.. she everytime keep saying that she go out work so hard then i slack at home.. how come she dont understand the main purpose of her working so hard is because SHE IS PAID? damn. and i'm like working for free.. still must travel to HOUGANG.. fuck. i'm really very pissed lor.. even when i'm seriously sick she also say i act sick to stay at home.. damn. and the worse thing? i had to pay for my medical bills. see la, with this kind of mother i really feel that life is meaningless for me lor.. i really cannot stand it anymore.. she is like pushing me to the edge already.. i had ENOUGH! the comparision between me and my sis is also.. haiz why she just cannot get the idea into her thick skull that me and sister ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!? and that i cannot become like her? haiz.. dunnoe la.. like what i told aloy maybe this is what God has planned for me and it would be a better choice.. But still i hope i can still get into NTU.. that would be my best birthday present : so long