fucked up

i've never felt so let down by everyone around me before.. my leader from the sikkim and also by the person i love most.. :( seriously i mean.. do we always have to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others, when i put in so much effort, but in turn nothing comes out right, why should i put myself through all the trouble? i dont really see the point. i'm ultra pissed now. To my leader of sikkim: if you guys need more tiles, go get the god damn tiles yourself and ask the other team also to get their own tiles, i dont see why i have to put myself through all these trouble and get all these nonsense from you. i mean seriously till so far, i've secured such a good contact and you have yet to say one thank you to me. i'm not trying to claim any glory or whatever shit but it's that i feel that my efforts have gone unappreciated. same for the cookies and cream project. damn all this are shitifying me. damns. i've to beg my relatives to buy from me and here the orders are being cocked up. WTF la seriously. as if my schoolwork is not busy and hectic enough, ppl that i love dont seem to care enough for me, maybe he did, but i cannot feel it. i always have the feeling that we both switch roles la. i'm the boyfriend and you are the girlfriend, i mean i'm mostly the one caring for u, making sure of this, that, going down to your place to meet you, maybe u can say that it's all that i'm doing out of my own will, true but cant you do it for me? true, u may be in army, and we dont have to meet everyday, then fine la. dont meet. i really hate myself sometimes...:( damn pissed up now. sigh maybe what jr said in the very first place is true that i'm not yet ready to be in a relationship. even till now, we're together for one year odd already, i mean seriously, dont u feel suffocated in the relationship, having such a demanding and unreasonable gf? sigh i dont know man, when such things happen, i just cant help but want to throw away everything we have had. i mean i feel it's a burden to carry on with things and also who knows, things might be better for you if you were without me. i still love you, but if loving you is too taxing on me and that i feel that i cannot cope anymore, can i just let go?